When All Else Fails… Would You be There to Love Me?

Hmmm… what could this possibly mean?

The Bottom Line

It’s okay to be wishy-washy sometimes — don’t feel pressured to rush your decision.

In Detail

Stop going in circles — like being on a merry-go-round, it’s lots of fun at first, but then after a few minutes, you could start to feel just a touch nauseous. Even if you’re not sure where you want to go just yet, it’s imperative that you clear your head before you make any big decisions. Take your time and move at your own pace while you’re at it — rushing into something could be a big mistake.

Could it be that thing that Elowee and I were just talking about yesterday?

Anyhoo, I wasn’t able to blog earlier this morning, so I’m making up for it now.  Yesterday, Westlife’s version of Uptown Girl was playing on the cab’s radio when I was on my way home and I couldn’t help but remember that night/day we spent in Prov.  It was one of the best times I’ve had this year.  Throughout my stay in that account in Burg, I’ve met people who became REAL friends.  I was talking with Elowee yesterday and just felt that the girls (at heart) that I’m with now have become such a part of me that when we don’t get to talk or spend time together in a day, it almost feels like a part of me is missing.  I still stand by what I said before.  I found my bitchmates… and bitchmates are forever.

Today, I spent mostly spent the day writing the FacGuide for my newly modified module for Situational Leadership.  I did couple of other things, too, but that was what was most constant.  It was also the client business review last night… I want to say “ours”, but I honestly didn’t feel that I was a part of it.  For the first time since 2004, I was in the room, giving moral support.  Silently.  Needless to say, I really don’t do the supporting role well.  In case you haven’t noticed, I live to be in the limelight.  Maybe that’s partly the reason why it’s so hard for me to accept that I’m no longer the Golden Child of the management team.  So I sat in Paris for an hour today, exchanging quiet comments with Paul and RR.  It’s just sad, I guess, because I’m still the best presenter that they’ve got.  And today, I said nothing.

Yes, I like what I do.  I know that I’m good at it.  I honestly think that I’m in the right field.  I understand that I’m an artist at heart, but there’s to much obsessive-compulsiveness in me to be the typical kind, so my creativity comes out with the modules that  make… and the stories that I write (and yes, I am referring to work and non-work related tales ;p).  But if someone asks why I come to work, the answer won’t be the same as what I’ve always answered before.  I’ve lost something in the last year.  Sometimes I think it was a part of myself.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve become a shadow of a former me… someone who looks exactly like me but isn’t quite as good.

I almost can’t believe that money has become one of the reasons why I do what I do.  It never used to be about the amount of money that I get… but then again, this wasn’t the life that I’ve lived before.  I don’t resent my life now… but it’s just a lot harder than anything that I’ve ever lived through.  Sometimes there are just days when I wonder if I’ll make it.  And during those days, sometimes I hate who I’ve become.


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