I (pause for effect), woke up on the wrong side of the bed… and maybe this is not the best time for me to be writing because I have no filtering system during moments like these.
My other half went home to Bulacan for a blood drive. He left at 6:30 am, saying that he would be back by around 1:00 pm or 2:00 pm. Well, guess what? I woke up after 2:00 pm… and he wasn’t here. I’ve had conversations with Yolly about something like this probably a month and a half ago. Our point was this: It’s okay to be somewhere else… BUT LET US KNOW. I don’t mind that he couldn’t make it back by the time that he kept promising over and over again, but when I had to initiate communication because I’ve woken up after the promised time and couldn’t find him here and that was the only time that he sent a message saying that he was still two hours away from Manila… THEN it became a little annoying.
Sent to Boyfriend (8:36 am): Mahal? Kamusta ka naman po sa byahe?
Received from Boyfriend (8:37 am): Ok naman po. Bakit hindi ka pa din natutulog?
Sent to Boyfriend (8:38 am): Hindi pa ako makatulog eh. Pero mejo inaantok na ako. Nakarating ka na ba?
Received from Boyfriend (8:41 am): Wala pa ko s munisipyo pero nasa hagonoy na ko.
Sent to Boyfriend (8:50 am): I love you
Received from Boyfriend (8:50 am): I love you too!
Received from Boyfriend (9:19 am): Mahal, dito na po ako sa munisipyo.
Sent to Boyfriend (11:22 am): Mahal?
Received from Boyfriend (11:23 am): Yes po? Dito pa po ako. Daming tao eh.
Sent to Boyfriend (2:21 pm): Mahal?
Received from Boyfriend (2:22 pm): Yes po? Kakakuha lang ng dugo sa kin. Uwi na ako after.
Sent to Boyfriend (2:22 pm): Hala. Ang late naman.
Received from Boyfriend (2:24 pm): ang dami kasing tao. Tas nagkita pa kami ni Rodwin. Kamusta ka po dyan? Direcho na po ako dyan.
Sent to Boyfriend (2:28 pm): Kakagising ko lang. Sakit ng ulo ko.
Received from Boyfriend (2:38 pm): Inom ka po ng gamot. Direcho na po ako jan?
Sent to Boyfriend (2:29 pm): Ikaw
Sent to Boyfriend (2:45 pm): The pictures of the blood drive was posted a couple of hours ago. Mukha naman syang successful.
Received from Boyfriend (2:48 pm): Oo nga. Meh mga pics din ako. Dami tao. Puro samahan ng mga trike drivers saka mga tao sa opisina. Magkasama lang kami ni Rodwin ngayon.
Sent to Boyfriend (2:49 pm): Not for anything, Mahal, pero sana nagmessage ka na hindi ka makakauwi agad. Ok lang naman ng magtagal ka jan eh.
Received from Boyfriend (2:50 pm): Kanina pa po ako nagtetext.
One of my many talents is poking holes at arguments… and there were so many holes in the logic presented through the messages that we exchanged. After his last, I refused to send another message lest this becomes another one of our fights. And I really can’t deal with anything like that right now. Hey, at least I told him what I felt (very euphemistically). That’s a lot better than just keeping it inside again and then feeling incredibly repressed. Sometimes, while I commute going to the office, I often find myself coming up with theories about my life. I do like taking the alternative route to Burgundy. It’s my quiet time. It allows me to think about so many things without really having to filter. That’s one of my weaknesses – my ability to filter sometimes overpowers to my ability to express what I really wanted to say. Anyway, at one point, I started wondering what would my cause of death be and came up with this:
Cause of Death: Cardiac Arrest
I’ll be the first to admit that the lifestyle I lead is not the healthiest. I’m not careful of what I eat and I don’t exercise regularly. Compound that with the inexplicable fear of getting into a confrontational situation and you have a really, really good formula for cardiac arrest. Most studies show that men are more prone to having illnesses related to the heart because men, by nature, compartmentalize more and are less expressive of their emotions. In that aspect, I am very, very much like a man. And, if I don’t find ways of venting out all my ill feelings, I have no doubt that I will die very, very much like a man as well.
On a side note, I posted the Pater Noster in my blog because it was something that I knew I could believe in. The teachings in the Way of Love does not even contradict my beliefs in the Divine Feminine. It’s a very fresh perspective on doctrine and Christianity and it somehow gives me hope that one day, maybe I will find my way back to the church as how it was truly supposed to be.
Right now, I realize that there are a couple of petals that I need to work on.
Holed Up in: Our Room in Colorado
Drowning In: Dialogues from 24, Season 6 (and I really need to start paying attention)