I am frustrated.
Actually, I think I’m angry. I am angry because you are a child. Because you do not have a plan. Because your priorities all screwed up. Because I have to walk on eggshells when I’m with you, because you might find offense in something that I say or do and you start blaming yourself. You are waiting for the world to fix itself so you will have a good life.
Yet even when I am so tired, I cannot lash out in righteous indignation.
Sometimes I wish that I could just forget about all my obligations and just focus on what I want. Want. Not need. Want. What if I just set aside money for my expenses and not think of anything else? That way, I won’t get all bent out of shape because I am desperately trying to save up for the things I want us to be able to do. Maybe I should just spend money for the things I need… for the things I want. I’ll just think about my allowance. My expenses. My stuff. Mine.
But I can’t. I’m not wired that way.
Naiinis ako, pero hindi ko alam kung kanino…
… Kung sa’yo, dahil ganyan ka.
… O kung sa akin, dahil ako ang sumanay sa’yo.