The Mirror Test (49/365)

I am frustrated.

Actually, I think I’m angry.  I am angry because you are a child.  Because you do not have a plan.  Because your priorities all screwed up.  Because I have to walk on eggshells when I’m with you, because you might find offense in something that I say or do and you start blaming yourself.  You are waiting for the world to fix itself so you will have a good life.

Yet even when I am so tired, I cannot lash out in righteous indignation.  

Sometimes I wish that I could just forget about all my obligations and just focus on what I want.  Want.  Not need.  Want.  What if I just set aside money for my expenses and not think of anything else?  That way, I won’t get all bent out of shape because I am desperately trying to save up for the things I want us to be able to do.  Maybe I should just spend money for the things I need… for the things I want.  I’ll just think about my allowance.  My expenses.  My stuff.  Mine.

But I can’t.  I’m not wired that way.

 

Naiinis ako, pero hindi ko alam kung kanino…

… Kung sa’yo, dahil ganyan ka.

… O kung sa akin, dahil ako ang sumanay sa’yo.

 

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