You know who you are… or, at least, after this entry, you should.
Yesterday, you asked me a question – “Ikaw, saan ka ba talaga?” (where do you really belong?) I had not idea what prompted that, so I responded with the first thing that popped into my head, “Kung saan ako kailangan.” (where I am needed)
I thought that question was a joke – nothing that meant anything. Until you turned to your downline and said, “Ikaw, ka diba? ka eh.” And then I got it. You’ll never accept the new structure.
So more than anything, I was – I am – so disappointed at you. Despite what everybody said, I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I saw what they couldn’t (didn’t… didn’t want to…). I knew that despite our differences regarding the way we worked, I could still learn something from you. I understood that you could do something that neither I or your person was ready to do.
So to hear something like that come from you changed who you were and what you were in my eyes.
I get it, you know. The change was hardest on you, and everyone’s entitled to feel bad about something they didn’t ask for. And if I had seen you fight against the natural tendency to be completely negative about the entire situation, I would probably not be writing this right now. If you didn’t try to include other people in the conversation, I probably wouldn’t have cared.
But you did.
In this line of work, we’ve always said that “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” I believe in that so much. The change – that’s our 10%. I guess I expected better from you and your 90%.
Maybe the thing that bothers me the most is that you have someone who looks up to you. Again, if no one else was being dragged into that particular conversation, I really wouldn’t have cared. But there was – your person was sitting right there, listening to you. What message do you think he got?
I wish you would let him decide about people for himself. I wish you wouldn’t add little walls between groups or people when there are already so many little fences in existence. I honestly think that walls – regardless of how tall or short – are the last thing we need right now.
But I still have hope for you. I will always hope for you.
* * *
I guess I didn’t realize how much this bothered me until now. But I’m happy it did.
It made one hell of an entry, don’t you think?