31 in ’12: Romantic

I am dating.

It’s strange, considering I’ve never really “dated” my entire life. It’s more or less always been the same for me – I find a guy I really like, he becomes a boyfriend, we’re very happy for a couple of years, then we break up. Lather, rinse, repeat.

In an effort to break this apparently ineffective cycle, I have decided that I, Phoenixfire, will begin to date. When I first came to this decision, I seriously did not think far enough ahead to wonder where all the guys who wanted to date me would come from. It was surprising, therefore, when most of them materialized from thin air. So it’s been a little over a month (the longest that I’ve gone without a boyfriend since 2004) and I have been out with… (drumroll, please) three guys.

Some people would find this number trivial and irrelevant, but for The Girl Who Never Dated, three is… not bad 🙂

Let me count the names…

There was J, who had been asking me out for coffee since the beginning of the year. J is an abstract artist, an archetype that I am particularly drawn to. When we finally went out for coffee, we talked about EVERYTHING – our beliefs (and disbelief) in organized religion, politics, art, and what was considered to be socially acceptable.

Then there was D, whom I have previously written about. D was my “The One Who Got Away” in That-Company-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Talk about a thing that just wouldn’t happen. Have you even wanted something so bad but gave it up for reasons you knew to be right but wished that you could have it anyway? That was how I felt in ’04 and in ’07. But D finally came through… And he was the one who said, “When I found out you were single, I had to ask. I don’t want to wait another four years… If this is the only way I could be with you, then I’m okay with it, because at least I had you.”

Then there’s… HIM. HIM, I had known since my days in That-Company-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Yet I have very little memory of HIM. HIM did not travel the same circles as me, and, if I remember correctly, was the butt of some of our jokes at one point or another. I distictly remember my feelings towards HIM swinging between disdain (“So… bakit andito ka?”, asked while eyeing him from head to foot) and disinterest (when my responses were mostly “Uh-huh” and “Okay”). HIM, however, turned out to be the biggest surprise of them all.


Now, here’s what’s been happening…

J. Nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. To the point that I’ve deleted all of his text messages on my phone. We are, however, still friends on facebook.

D. Refer to previous post.

HIM. I think this exchange will give you a clearer picture than anything I can ever end up writing…

Him: Work for the best, expect the worst.. I’m a dreamer hun, and a pessimistic planner at the same time..
Me: That’s not so hard to believe.. I’m the same way
Him: That’s very good darling.. That’s why I like you..
Me: Haha.. When you’ve lived a life like mine, it’s hard not to be jaded
Him: What’s jaded hun? I’m a gen x.. I don’t speak that language..
Me: Jaded.. disillusioned.. cynical.. hard-hearted..
Him: I call it practical..
Me: I call it damaged, sweetheart… And, at the end of the day, that who I see when I look in the mirror
Him: How can you stay being so beautiful being damaged as you say sweetheart?
Me: How can you see me as so beautiful being as pratical as you are?
Him: Because you are beautiful darling
Me: Only because you see me that way, sweetheart

Bets, anyone? 😀

Ciao, Bella!


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Filed under Secret Life of Bees, This So-Called Life

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