41 in ’12: Intolerant

I don’t have a lot of friends.

To begin with, I’m not exactly what you would call a social person. In a wedding I recently attended, I realized just how socially retarded I was when in close proximity with people I don’t really like. But my intolerance isn’t limited to certain people’s physical presence. I am most unfriendly when I am on the phone. With people who take delivery orders (or, in this case, REFUSES to take delivery orders).

I have a friend who recently asked for advice on how to go about impressing one of my exes for a possible job, I told him, “Alam mo naman kami ni (my ex’s name), pag nakaamoy kami ng takot, nangangain kami ng buhay.” (Translation: When we smell fear, we go for the kill).

And that is nothing but the truth. When you start talking like a blundering idiot on the phone, I smell blood and I go for the jugular.

Today, while talking to an idiot working for Army Navy, it was no different.

Yes, This Means YOU.

*          *          *

(phone conversation)

Idiot:
Thank you for calling Army Navy, may I have your order, please?

Me:
Magpapadeliver. Sa Pasig.

Idiot:
Saan po sa Pasig, ma’am?

Me:
Sa may Caniogan. Riverfront Residences. Nakapagdeliver na kayo dito dati.

Idiot:
(speaking to someone in the background)
Sa may Caniogan daw. Diba malayo na yun?

(back on the phone)
Ma’am, saan po malapit yung sa inyo? Ano po yung landmark?

Me:
Sa may Dr. Sixto Antonio Avenue.

Idiot:
Ano po yung landmark, ma’am?

Me:
Malapit kami sa Pasig rotonda.

Idiot:
(speaking to someone in the background)
Sa may Pasig rotonda daw!

(back on the phone)
Ma,am, mahaba po kasi yung Dr. Sixto Antonio Avenue. Saan po banda dun?

Me:
Malapit kami sa Pag-Asa. Sa Riverfront Residences.

Idiot:
(speaking to someone in the background)
Sa may Pag-Asa daw. Malayo na yun! Lagpas na ng Stella yun eh.

(back on the phone)

Ay, ma’am. Hindi na po namin cover yan eh. Malayo na po sa amin yan.

Me:
Nakapagdeliver na kayo dito sa amin dati eh.

Idiot:
Malayo na po kasi yan, ma’am. Hindi po kami nagdedeliver yan.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 1)
Pero nakapagdeliver na kayo dito sa amin dati. So bakit ngayon hindi na pwede?

Idiot:
Cut-off na po. Hanggang 8 lang po ang delivery namin.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 2)
But it’s only 7:45 pm.

Idiot:
Oo nga po. Pero hanggang 8 lang po ang delivery namin.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 4)
Oo nga, pero wala pang 8. So hindi na kayo magdedeliver dito ever?

Idiot:
Anung last name po?

Me:
Barron. The account is under Brian Barron.

Idiot:
Last name lang po.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 6)
Barron. B-A-R-R-O-N. Sya kasi madalas ang tumatawag jan.

Idiot:
Ma’am, hindi na po namin kayo covered eh. And wala po yung pangalan nyo sa records namin.

Me:
(Aggitiation Level: 7)
Can’t you look for it using a phone number?

Idiot:
Ma’am, last name lang po.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 9)
Oo nga, pero hindi ba pwedeng gamitin yung phone number para hanapin?

Idiot:
Sira po kasi yung database namin eh. And wala na po kayo sa —

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 10)
(cutting her off)
You know what, never mind! NEVER. MIND.

(line is cut)

*          *          *

Friggin’ idiot.

Yes, This Also Means YOU.

It seems like I’ve been doing nothing the whole day but sleep, munch on whatever food I could find, and fight with people. Earlier today, I was exchanged text messages with some person who I didn’t know.

*          *          *

+632 916 773 0103
hi maam

Me:
Who’s this please?

+632 916 773 0103
Marco

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 2)
Sorry, but I don’t remember where we met.

+632 916 773 0103
We met in fb.

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 4)
I doubt that.

+632 916 773 0103
Ur name is angel ryt?

Me:
(Aggitation Level: 8)
First, I don’t add people I don’t know in fb. Second, I don’t answer messages from people I don’t know in fb. And third, fb is not a place to “meet” people.

I don’t know you. Your number’s not in my directory. Stop texting.

+632 916 773 0103
Taray! Ok. Tnx! Ikaw nawalan, hndi ako.

*          *          *

Dear +632 916 773 0103,

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Love,
Me

P.S. You’re an idiot.

 

*smirk*



Ciao Bella!

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2 Comments

Filed under Tastebuds, This So-Called Life

2 responses to “41 in ’12: Intolerant

  1. Hilarious! I love it!

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