“Hi. This is
(name of husband undisclosed). I’m going to marry him one day.”
Those were the first words I said to my mother and father after not visiting for almost a decade. It was December 25th of last year – Christmas – that I decided to introduce him to my parents. Surprisingly, we weren’t the only ones in the cemetery that day.
Yes, my parents are dead. I buried my mother when I was six, my father when I was fifteen. Life would never be the same after that.
You would think that after all these years, it would have been easier… That I would find myself to be a well-adjusted adult calmly dealing with life with grace and poise. Instead I found myself crying more than half a lifetime of tears that never fell five minutes after we finally found their grave. Yes, grave. My mother and father are buried in the same plot. It’s incredibly romantic in a totally creepy sort of way. So much for grace and poise.
That day, I promised I’d come back on my birthday. I’m not too much for following societal rules, so I decided to visit on the dates that meant something to me, not to the church or the rest of the world’s population.
And what do you know? I kept my promise.
* * *
I was saying goodbye to my parents when I suddenly whispered, “It’s always going to be worth it, isn’t it?” That was their (The Universe, my parents, The Higher Power, My Goddess) one final gift to me. Yesterday, I realized that no matter what had happened, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it has been, it has always been – and it will always be – worth it.
I told my mom with my husband beside me, they would be seeing a lot more of their prodigal daughter. But then I realized that the sudden longing to visit my parents, the sudden wanting to visit the adoration chapel, the not-so-sudden affection I have for every member of my family – these are not things that I do because he pushes me to do it. Nor are they things I do because I want to impress him with my morals or values.
I do these things because it is right – not for society or for church or for family, but for me. In many, many ways, and in many, many levels, it was finally time for me to come home.