There are days like today when I lose my mind a little and start checking things that I shouldn’t be checking out anymore. For those of you who think this is another shout out to the recipient of this post, you’re sorely mistaken. There will be no names (Yes, I did that before. Yes, I have gotten over it. No, I do not regret doing that.) but I have no doubt you’ll know if it’s for you.
I think I think this is an entry that has been a long time coming. Maybe it’s something that I probably should have written several months ago, but didn’t. But what does it matter? I’m finally writing it.
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I miss you. I miss us. I miss the time when I would see you at least once every week – when we had become fixtures in that Indian restaurant conveniently situated near our respective offices. I miss bringing you to your building before taking the cab home. I miss you telling the cab driver to make sure he took good care of me.
I miss how you always used to be there… How you made me feel like you would love me no matter what happened. I miss the times when it was so clear that you and I were always going to be in each other’s lives. We both made bad choices and many, many mistakes and I guess I always thought our friendship was stronger than that.
Was I wrong?
Sometimes I still wonder about what really happened. Sometimes I wish I knew the reason why you suddenly went away. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care… Then maybe I wouldn’t wonder so much.
No, I don’t understand and there are so many moments when I wish I did. You were there when I was broken and trying to find my way back and it’s just the saddest thing that now that I’m so incredibly happy, you are the one person I cannot share it with.
I will always wonder about you, I think. No matter what has come to pass, you will always be part of my story. I will always be grateful to you.
I wish you every happiness. And I will always wish you peace.
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