Tag Archives: Belief

64 in ’12: A Kiss in the Rain

It was this line that first caught my attention.

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
– Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I recently finished the book and found myself profoundly moved as I read the last sentence. As I’ve told several friends, it was a book that had such an old voice being spoken by someone so young. It was almost too easy to forget that Charlie was only fifteen.

A friend of mine asked who I was among the characters in the book. Without a moment’s hesitation I immediately answered, “Charlie”. She laughed (as much as one could laugh over chat) and said, “You are so NOT a wallflower.”

Truth be told, she was right. I wasn’t the kind of wallflower Charlie was – the one who never got noticed. But so much of what he wrote resonated with how I felt (then, now, and probably always). I am a wallflower in the sense that I listen more than I talk. It’s been a running joke between me and some friends that my talent was to get people to spill their guts. It’s not such an extraordinary thing, really. It’s just that when I talk to people, when I ask them questions, the conversation stops being about me and starts being about them.

At the end of the day, I think we all want the same thing: to be heard.

It doesn’t matter if we tell our stories through poetry or prose, through colored canvasses or photographs, through melodies or movement. We are all story-weavers. And there is nothing we want more than others’ eyes to see us, ears to hears us, and hearts to understand us.

And yet I have learned is that those are the hardest things to find. Not all eyes are attuned to see what I see. Not all ears are ready to hear what I say. Not all hearts are open to understand how inexplicably different I am. Sometimes, it is a very, very lonely life.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”
– Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

In the midst of loneliness, however, I think I will always need to hold on to the belief that there is something better out there. That, in some far off place, there is another who holds on to that belief as hard as I do. I will always need to believe that one day, even to just one person, I will be enough. I also believe that one day, there will be that one person who will be enough for me.

“If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too.”
– Sam, The Perks of Being a Wallflower


I’m worth it too, you know.



Ciao Bella!

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62 in ’12: Breaking Free

I am SO in love with this video…

Hey, at least I’m in love with something, right? 🙂

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Go ahead, PhoenixFire, want it all. Just learn to be happy before it arrives, or you may not notice when it does.

The Universe

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Dear Universe,

I am ready. Love will come.




Ciao Bella!

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26 in ’12: Believer

In light of recent events, I haven’t been opening my email (I’ve been on vacation since Thursday last week). I missed several messages from The Universe and, now that I’ve read it, it is nothing short of… telling.

I leave it up to you so interpret…

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Maundy Thursday (April 5)

You only ever have to ride the wave of life, Phoenixfire, not create it, to be taken anywhere you dream of being.

Hang ten,
The Universe

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Good Friday (April 6)

Never has there been a moment in your life, Phoenixfire, that wasn’t also a moment in mine.

Never have you laughed without me, cried alone, or loved in vain.

And never have you dreamed a dream, that destiny had not ordained.

The Universe

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Black Saturday (April 7)

A Universal Rule on Decision Making…

Don’t make them, Phoenixfire, until it’s time to make them.

Unless you already know what you want, in which case, however, there is no decision to be made.

You know,
The Universe

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Finding Faith

It is fairly unusual for me to find someone to talk to who does not look at me strangely after hours of conversation. My views in life are rather… Strange… And it has been my experience that people find my beliefs weird and at odds with what has been deemed as “socially acceptable” (a concept, by the way, that I am violently opposed to). So to find someone who gets me without the need for any kind of explanation is something else.

I once told a friend I cannot believe that this is the only life I’ve lived. There are too many things about me that do not “fit” this particular world. This, I think, has always supported my belief in past lives. I also believe that our past lives influence the things we are inexplicably drawn to in the present. I believe there are people we are destined to find over and over again because any life remains incomplete without them.

Someone once told me that there really isn’t a right time or a wrong time for something – and I guess that’s true. Everything happens for a reason, even if sometimes we don’t understand why it happened when it did.

The concept of soul mates is another thing that I actually find logic in. A soul mate is exactly what it says it is – a the other half of your spirit. I believe all spirits made flesh are split into two, and if both are born in the same lifetime, each continually searches for the other, whether consciously or unconsciously. This accounts for that inexplicable longing we sometimes feel, no matter how fulfilled or complete we see our lives to be. Despite the popular, romanticized notion of Twin Spirits, I just believe that our soul mate is that person who embraces our essence wholly. It’s the person who walks with us as we go through life, journeying with us as we travel towards what we were born to do.

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Dear Universe,

I know.

Forever In Love,
Phoenix fire

AudioSlave To: Suddenly (Soraya)

Blessed Be…

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