Tag Archives: Fear

33 in ’12: Changeling

I… am in denial.

* * *

You by the light is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong you’re the thing that’s right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You said it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,
And I’m in love and I’m terrified.
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.

This could be good
It’s already better than last
And nothing’s worse than knowing
You’re holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

You said it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I’m at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only

I only said it ’cause I mean it
I only mean it ’cause it’s true
So don’t you doubt what I’ve been dreaming
‘Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever I’m without you

You said it again, my heart’s in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
I’m at the edge of my emotions
And I’m in love and I’m terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

“Terrified”
Katharine McPhee feat. Zachary Levi

* * *

Dear You,

In several exchanges you have asked me how you make me feel. Every single time I’ve told you the truth.

You make me feel happy…
Safe…
Important…
Wanted…

You make me feel like I’m so much more than how I see myself…

Yesterday, however, I realized that there’s something else you make me feel. And this is something that I only realized of late…

You make me feel afraid.

I’m afraid that I may feel too much for you and you may feel too little for me.

Love,
Me

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Filed under Jei Pod, Secret Life of Bees

Born This Way (97/365)

Do it your way, Phoenixfire.

That’s what you’re there for.

Ciao,
The Universe

Dinner at the French Quarter; photographer: J.Palenzuela

***

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’
It didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I’m still around

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

You’re so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same
(Ohh ohhhhhhh)

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line and we try try try but we try too hard
And it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah!)
I’m Pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
(You’re perfect, you’re perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.

Fuckin’ Perfect
by Pink

***

I’m wrong in all the right ways, you see.


Ciao Bella!

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Filed under Jei Pod, Secret Life of Bees, This So-Called Life

One (89/365)

At this moment there are 6 billion, 4 hundred 70 million, 8 hundred 18 thousand, 6 hundred 71 people in the world.

Some are running scared.
Some are coming home.
Some tell lies to make it through the day.
Others are just not facing the truth.
Some are evil men at war with good.
And some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world.
Six billion souls.  

And sometimes, all you need is one.

(Peyton Sawyer’s voice over)
One Tree Hill – Season 3, Episode 2


Blessed Be…

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Filed under iWatch, This So-Called Life

There’s That Feeling Beyond Anger (61/365)

“Kitang-kita ko kanina,” said Arthur.  “Namumula na ang mata mo.” (I saw your eyes earlier.  They were red.)

He was the only one who saw, you see.  And what he saw were tears.


Tears.  Tears.  I, the Ice Queen, barely kept myself from falling apart during that meeting that could only be described as cruel.  The last time I remember feeling that bad was when my then-boss’s boss called me into his office to tell me that in thirty days, my then-position would be officially declared redundant.


It wasn’t the fear of failure that was so frustrating.  It wasn’t even the admission of defeat.  It was the giving up without a fight.  It was that when push came to shove, we took the coward’s way out.  That, more than anything else, I think, broke me.  You see, I am not fearless, but I have never been a coward.

I am perfectly aware that had we pushed through, there was an enormous possibility that we would have found ourselves in over our heads and drowned.  But then again, had that happened, at least we would have drowned trying.


And so, when I was asked if I was angry, I was not lying when I said no.  I will say it again – no, I’m not angry.

I am heartbroken with disappointment.

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Filed under This So-Called Life

Betty Bought a Bit of Bitter Butter (47/365)

How apt.  I’m listening to a group of Gen Y-ers tell the rest of the class what their lifetime goals are and how their working for their company is helping them achieve that goal, and here I am, wondering how speaking with that… That… That… (cannot think of an appropriate term right now) is contributing to the fulfillment of my lifetime goal.

Then again, I’m writing about it, aren’t I?  My words right now are fueled by indignation, with a pinch of hate and a sprinkle of fear.  I cannot help but wonder what I have gotten myself into.  I’ve never really met an organization representative that I truly did not like, nor have I ever been talked down to by any of my contacts.  This was truly a first.  

I do, to a certain point, understand the other perspective – they really do come first.  But aren’t there some realities in life that we just have to live with?  I’ve always thought it was the freedom of others that curtails our own.  I didn’t expect 100% satisfaction because having a nearly full schedule is an inconvenience for the other party (a nearly full schedule is both a burden and a benefit, believe me), but I think I did expect a little bit of consideration… A better understanding of the bigger picture.

What I didn’t expect was what I got – a rather uncomfortable conversation with someone I have yet to meet.

And he was the one who was offended.

Git.

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Filed under This So-Called Life, World Domination