Tag Archives: Filmography

08.13: Unfinished


I’m finally watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’m somewhere within the first 20 minutes of the film and although nothing spectacularly sad has happened yet, it feels as though my heart is breaking.

Let’s see where this takes me.



Dark & Twisted…

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06.13: Of Ivory Petals and White Butterflies

Just because you can draw or paint, it doesn’t make you an artist. It may make you a really good painter or a gifted sketcher, but not an artist.


Artistry goes beyond the technical skill – beyond the ability of being able to do something. Great art is geared towards evoking an emotion from its audience, regardless of the media. I have heard some people sing a song perfectly – every single note sung with such precision – and yet, at the end of it all, I feel nothing. And yet I know of people whose voices are a little raw, with a little edge, and yet their haunting melodies can bring tears to my eyes.

I once told a friend that sometimes artists naturally gravitate towards each other because we see the world in a way that is slightly different. Regardless of whether the gravitating towards each other is true or not, what I will stand by is the latter half of what I said – that we don’t see the world the way most people do. That’s what great art is about, I think… Being able to look at the world and see something different… Being able to see the light in sadness… Being able to see the beauty in despair.

Great art is borne out of great emotion… It’s our anger, our joy, our pain that goes into the painting on the canvas… the melody of the music… the words in woven tales. It’s not a matter to seeing a picture and transferring the its image to a blank poster. Art is not about copying – it’s about creating. Artists, even when singing someone else’s songs or painting someone else’s picture, create. No matter how similar it is to the original in the end, artists are incapable of doing exact replicas. We are perpetually driven to leave a piece of ourselves behind.

“…Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love…”
Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

We see more. We hear more. We feel more.

We hate more. We love more.

We are more.

And that’s what makes people call us weird.

But I’m not just weird. I’m not even a limited edition. I’m one of a kind. You’ll never find another like me.



Blessed Be…

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05.13: A Little Fall of Rain

The Miserable Ones

So I finally got to watch Les Miserables.

After weeks of hearing how good it was and how much they cried over the film, I finally found myself falling in line, fervently praying that my beloved and I would find unoccupied seats in a rather full theatre. I cannot thank Don enough for agreeing to watch it with me – I knew he primarily watched because I wanted to. I did not expect the film to be as long as it was – it is never easy for me to sit still for long periods of time, so you would think two and a half hours would seem like a lifetime.

But it wasn’t.

So many people have made it known – either through actual conversations that left me salivating for a theatre tickets or the multitudes of posts made on (social networking site undisclosed) – that tears were shed during the film. Personally, I knew I would cry. I mean, I’m the girl who cried while watching Aladdin (when he told Genie that his third wish was for Genie to be free). What I did not expect was when the tears actually fell.

As the credits were rolling, I sent an SMS to my best friend… “You HAVE to watch Les Mis. And you HAVE to bring tissue. Like 10 boxes.” When we met up with him that night, he asked me if I really cried. I did. I felt like every time some character died, I cried. The problem was people kept on dying throughout the film.

No, watching it on a Sunday night wasn’t the best idea in the world because it left me with such a heavy feeling in my heart. I was surprised to find my tears falling during Fantine‘s I Dream a Dream, Eponine‘s A Little Fall of Rain and Jean Valjean‘s death.

As we walked out of the theatre, I fully understood why people kept lining up to watch this movie. It was truly a magnificent experience… A beautiful story with characters that were both flawed and strong… Its dialogue was done entirely through song yet every viewer understands… But most of all, at the end of two and a half hours, you understand why it was entitled “The Miserable Ones“. And this, more than anything else, I think, is what inexplicably draws us in and breaks our hearts.

After all, at one point or another, no matter how fleeting, we were all miserable too.



Ciao Bella!

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67 in ’12: I’m Holding Every Breath for You

“Life offers you a thousand chances… all you have to do is take one.”
Frances Mayes, Under the Tuscan Sun

This is easier said than done… Especially for those of us who have been hurt, who have hoped, who have waited in vain… Those who have hurt others, who have been denied, who hold on to regret. It’s so hard to move on.

Why do we keep holding on? Because it’s better to be alone than to be open to the possibility of hurting? Has the pain become addicting? Are we forever caught in that vicious cycle of longing for something that can never be ours? After all, as long as what we want is out of reach, it never really has the power to make us bleed.

This is my answer: I hold on because holding on is “safe”. When we are perpetually running after someone or waiting for something, we never have to do anything different. Actually, we stay where it is safe because it gives us an excuse to never really do anything. Period.

But at the end of the day, that’s what it is – an excuse.

Sometimes, I think, we make excuses to not be happy. We make excuses to not be with someone. We makes excuses to stay exactly where we are… even if it makes us miserable.

I was watching this movie the other day (Beauty and the Briefcase) and the long and short of it is this: she kept a list of all the characteristics she was looking for in her “Magic Man” and eventually fell in love with someone who scored a 0 out of 10. At this point, you might be asking yourself why I even bothered to introduce this bit of information. Wait, I’m getting to that.

Very recently, I realized that I have been holding on to the idea of being with this guy because I REALLY wanted him to be my boyfriend. So there was that hope that one day, he will be more concerned about me (because he’s not)… That one day, he will look for me (because he doesn’t)… That one day, he will offer to bring me home (to my house, because he hasn’t). I had boxed myself in. And my box wasn’t a checklist of what I wanted in a guy… My box WAS a guy!

Find me. Bring me home.

I’ll tell you a truth that I’ve never told anyone before… I wanted to fall in love with him in the worst possible way. But I couldn’t. Because I couldn’t find reasons to (cue Breathe’s “How Can I Fall”).

No matter how old I get, the romantic in me never really fades away. It’s still the little things that count for so much.

…Like holding hands
…Like good conversation
…Like comfortable silence
…Like just hanging out
…Like receiving love letters or notes
…Like laughing together
…Like talking about everything and nothing
…Like being brought home after a date
…Like spending time together (sometimes doing nothing)

Time. Someone once said that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. I SO AGREE. But that is a different story and will be told at a different time.

But for now, I will tell you this: I always say I want it all – the grand passion of a great love. At the end of the day, what makes the passion grand and what makes the love great are all the little things. And it’s the little things that I’ve been missing.

*          *          *

Dear You,

If there are things I want to tell you, it’s these:

Let go.
Let yourself be happy.
Take a chance
Fall in love – REALLY fall in love – again.
Give someone a chance to love you.

Yes, I’m talking about you.

Love Always,



Ciao Bella!

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46 in ’12: At First Sight

I saw this post of Facebook and it was just too good to pass up…

Beautiful. Funny. Broken.

Beautiful? Yes.
Funny? Maybe.
Broken? Definitely.

As they say, we see what we look for.

‘Tis Sunday once again… My day of perpetual loneliness and sorrow.

Escaping In: Shakespeare in Love

Ciao Bella!

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45 in ’12: Enchanted

And The Universe said to me…

The older the soul, PhoenixFire, the softer the glance, the quicker the smile and the sooner to say “I love you.”

Utterly fearless,
The Universe

*          *          *

When I was sixteen, I got my hands on a book written by Jude Deveraux called Remembrance. I loved it and, to this day, remains one of my favorite love stories. The heroine, Hayden Lane, said something that I always find myself coming back to. She said she wanted everything – the grand passion of a great love. Needless to say, being the hopeless romantic that I am (stir in the artist, and the dreamer, and the story-weaver into the mix), I wanted that too.

Eleven years later, I watched Enchanted and was reminded of the same things – a grand passion and a great love. Granted, that particular story involved a fake place called Andalacia and a dragon, but that’s besides the point. I remember being inside that theatre, sitting there with my then-significant-other beside me and thinking, “This can’t be it” (referring to a relationship that was beginning to plateau) and “There has to be something more”.

Without Words

Now, six years later, I found myself talking about the very same movie with someone who, until quite recently, I thought had a decent chance of being with me. We were walking in MOA and of course Enchanted came up because that was where I watched it all those years ago. After listening to me gush over the movie, he turns to me and says, “So ganun yung gusto mo? Yung lovelife na parang Enchanted?” (translation: So that’s what you want? A lovelife like the one in Enchanted?) I was looking at him and said, “Hindi naman…” Yes, really with the dot-dot-dot… because it was a complete and utter lie.

You see, I want to be able to say that I didn’t something similar to what Robert (Dempsey) and Giselle (Adams) had because, based on experience, it usually drives people to run away. Far, far away. Too much pressure, I guess. But what the hell, right? I want what I want. Of course, right after that, I went home and watched the film again. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t the fairytale that I wanted so much. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that the fairytale doesn’t last… After a couple of months (sometimes weeks, even) reality will always step in.

There was that scene, when Robert and Nancy were dancing in the King and Queen’s Ball and he looks up to see Giselle standing on top of the stairs. That look on his face – the one that told everyone who was watching he was completely and irrevocably in love with her even if he didn’t know it yet – that was what I wanted. Yes, at the end of the day, I want grand passion and a great love… But most of all, I want to be with someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

*          *          *

Dear Universe,

My soul, then, must be at least a thousand years old. Please let my thousand-year-old soul meet another of its kind.

A Little Broken,

Ciao Bella!

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43 in ’12: Up Close & Personal

Everything I’ve written on this site has been personal… But recently, I’ve decided to open something a little different… Going through the song that made up most of my life. I’ve done 10 in Bits and Pieces. Here’s the second 10.

Enjoy 🙂

The Song: Landslide, Dixie Chicks
The Words: “But time makes you bolder / Children get older / I’m getting older too…”
Why I Love It: I heard this in Glee, when Santana and Britney sang it with Holly Holiday and I had tears running down my face by the first chorus. Originally done by Fleetwood Mac, but I prefer the version of the Dixie Chicks. Elise Testone, Colton Dixon and Phil Phillips also did their version in the most recently concluded season of American Idol. It’s definitely something worth checking out.

The Song: One of These Days, Michelle Branch
The Words: “… And I don’t mind saying / A part of me left with you / One of these days / I won’t be afraid of staying with you / I hope and I pray / Waiting to find a way back to you / ‘Cause that’s where I’m home…”
Why I Love It: It’s a sad song. I am perpetually in love with sad songs. Most of the songs in this playlist always make me cry.
Who It’s For: You, my best friend with whom I eventually fell in love.

The Song: You Can’t Stop the Beat, Cast of Hairspray
The Words: “…So if you don’t like the way I look / Well, I just don’t give a damn!”
Why I Love It: I love running with this song blaring in my ears! It completely brings my average speed up 😛 But I love how completely empowering this song is… And I completely LOVE Hairspray!

The Song: I Can’t Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
The Words: “…Cause I can’t make you love me / If you don’t / I can’t make your heart feel / Something it won’t…”
Why I Love It: I first heard this song on The Voice on Black Saturday. It’s such a sad, sad song… One of my friends in the office said this is the kind of song that you listen to while in front of the fireplace holding a glass of whiskey. He was right.
Who It’s For: You, the Abstract Artist.

The Song: In Demand, Texas
The Words: “…He wrote my name on silver sands / I think you know you’ve lost the love of your life / (You said) I was the best you ever had…”
Why I Love It: Have you seen the video? It was so damn sexy… and you get to see Alan Rickman dancing 🙂
Who It’s For: You, the Voice of Darkness

The Song: Taking Chances, Celine Dion
The Words: “Don’t know much about your life / Don’t know much about your world but / Don’t want to be alone tonight / In this planet we call earth…”
Why I Love It: Although I am a great Celine Dion fan, I kind of stopped following her albums after the release of Falling Into You. Then I heard Lea Michelle sing it on Glee (so many of my songs in this playlist were picked up from watching that show) and I just completely fell in love with the high note that she hit. So I was sitting there and I said, “I gotta learn how to do that, too.” So I did.
Who It’s For: You, Green Eyes.

The Song: Crave, Marc Dorsey
The Words: “…And since you’re gone / My heart won’t behave / It’s your love I still crave…”
Why I Love It: It was Brian McKnight who said the reason why he kept on writing sad songs was because not everyone can relate to happiness, but everyone can relate to being sad. He made a very good point… And worked particularly well for me that I really felt like most of his songs were written especially for me. Crave talks about still being in love with someone who’s no longer with you. I’ve lived that life 10 times now. Apparently, it still hurts the same every single time.
Who It’s For: You, the Son of Adam.

The Song: Strong Enough, Sheryll Crow
The Words: “When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care / When I’m throwing punches in the air / When I’m broken down and I can’t stand / Will you be man enough to be my man?”
Why I Love It: This is for every man who wants to win my heart… But more than that, this particular song brings to mind that one teambuilding in Laguna, when – at that time – it felt like my life fell apart. And we were so far from civilization that I couldn’t run away no matter how much I wanted.
Who It’s For: You, my First Grown-Up Love

The Song: So Close, Jon McLaughlin
The Words: “So close to reaching that famous happy end / Almost believing this one’s not pretend / Now you’re beside me / And look how far we’ve come / So far… We are / So close…”
Why I Love It: It was that scene from Enchanted that sealed the deal for me. When Patrick Dempsey started singing to Amy Adams, tears were running down my face. I remember thinking to myself, “This is what I should have – a grand passion and a great romance.”
Who It’s For: You, Baby Bear… and, more recently, You, Baby.

The Song: Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson
The Words: “… Trying hard to reach out / But when I tried to speak out / Felt like no one could hear me…”
Why I Love It: Considering that I’ve felt like an outsider for most of my life, this song resonated with my soul on so many levels. I can’t get through it without crying.
Who It’s For: Me 🙂

Soul Speaking

I’ve come a long way, haven’t I? But the journey’s not over yet and I hope you continue to travel with me. Till we meet again…

Ciao Bella!

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