Tag Archives: Image

17.13: This One’s for You

A Life Story.

My Life in Verse

To the one who said she would always defend…
To the one who said we’d always be friends…
To the one who I will always regret…
To the one who will never, ever forget…

To the one who still cannot forgive…
To the one who said she would never leave…
To the one who broke my mending heart…
To the ones who took and would then depart…

To the one who was able to begin anew…
To the one who remains a friend so true…
To the one who finally came back home…
To the one who always called me his own…

To the one who taught me how to fall…
To the one who taught me to stand so tall…
To the one who taught me how to see…
To the one who said they should love me for me…

To the ones who hurt, who burned, and lied…
To the ones who thought I would be silent and cry…
To the ones who are only brave when amidst a throng…
To the ones I proved to have been wrong…

To the one who hurt me without meaning to…
To the one who spoke without being spoken to…
To the one who filled my heart with bliss…
To the one who will be my one last kiss…

To the only one I would have said,
“With this ring, I thee wed”…
To the one who loved me at first sight…
To the one I will love until last light…

To the one I come home to in the dark of night…
To the one I wake up to in the morning light…
To the one whose life mine is entwined to…
To the one I love… This one’s for you.

 

 

Blessed Be…

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11.13: With This Ring I Thee Wed

“Hi. This is (name of husband undisclosed). I’m going to marry him one day.”

Those were the first words I said to my mother and father after not visiting for almost a decade. It was December 25th of last year – Christmas – that I decided to introduce him to my parents. Surprisingly, we weren’t the only ones in the cemetery that day.

Yes, my parents are dead. I buried my mother when I was six, my father when I was fifteen. Life would never be the same after that.

You would think that after all these years, it would have been easier… That I would find myself to be a well-adjusted adult calmly dealing with life with grace and poise. Instead I found myself crying more than half a lifetime of tears that never fell five minutes after we finally found their grave. Yes, grave. My mother and father are buried in the same plot. It’s incredibly romantic in a totally creepy sort of way. So much for grace and poise.

That day, I promised I’d come back on my birthday. I’m not too much for following societal rules, so I decided to visit on the dates that meant something to me, not to the church or the rest of the world’s population.

And what do you know? I kept my promise.

*          *          *

Faith.

I was saying goodbye to my parents when I suddenly whispered, “It’s always going to be worth it, isn’t it?” That was their (The Universe, my parents, The Higher Power, My Goddess) one final gift to me. Yesterday, I realized that no matter what had happened, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it has been, it has always been – and it will always be – worth it.

I told my mom with my husband beside me, they would be seeing a lot more of their prodigal daughter. But then I realized that the sudden longing to visit my parents, the sudden wanting to visit the adoration chapel, the not-so-sudden affection I have for every member of my family – these are not things that I do because he pushes me to do it. Nor are they things I do because I want to impress him with my morals or values.

I do these things because it is right – not for society or for church or for family, but for me. In many, many ways, and in many, many levels, it was finally time for me to come home.

Coming Home.

 

 

Blessed Be…

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10.13: #4 Privet Drive

I remember reading Harry Potter and feeling so bad that he had to go home to his Aunt and Uncle until he reached 17 because it would keep him safe. I, however, felt it was something he had to go through – that it was character-building.

Freakin’ Funny.

Funny how after so many years I find myself in exactly the same predicament.

But it something I have to go through. It’s character-building.

And it sucks. Especially when, every night, you always wish you were somewhere else.

 

 

Dark & Twisted…

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09.13: On A Dark Desert Highway

I was desperate to find happy songs on the radio while my husband drove me back to that condo in (actual location undisclosed). After changing stations numerous times, it started to seem like the attempt was futile.

Then I got it.

Life.

All songs are happy songs when you’re on your way home… And nothing is when you’re leaving.

*          *          *

Home is where the heart is. My home will always be where you are.

 

 

Loving Life…

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08.13: Unfinished

Unexplained.

I’m finally watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’m somewhere within the first 20 minutes of the film and although nothing spectacularly sad has happened yet, it feels as though my heart is breaking.

Let’s see where this takes me.

 

 

Dark & Twisted…

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07.13: You’re So Vain (You Probably This Post Is About You)

Hindi ko kayang sabihin na kilala kita. Hindi kita kayang husgahan dahil wala ako sa tamang posisyon para gawin yun. Pero kahit hindi kita kilala, tuwing naaalala ko kung papapaano ka naging bahagi ng kwento ko, ang daming sumasagi sa isip ko. Baka nga ngayon na ang tamang panahon para maisulat ang mga ito. Maaaring hindi mo mahahanap kahit kailan ang sinulat kong ito, pero kung yan man ay mangyari, gusto kong malaman mo na paninindigan ko ang bawat salita na nakasulat dito.

We are all living the lives we chose to live.

Ikaw… may tawag sayo. At ang “makapal ang mukha” ay hindi sapat na paglalarawan sayo. Ikaw ang taong mahilig gumawa ng kung ano-anung drama, tapos pag may pumalag – hindi ko ba alam kung paano mo nababaluktot sa napakaliit at napakakitid mong utak – bigla ka nalang bumabaliktad and nagpapalabas na ikaw ang kawawa at ikaw ang inapi.

Hindi ka kawawa – wala ka lang ginawa para baguhin ang sitwasyon mo. Hindi ka inapi – nagpaapi ka. Hindi kasalanan ng mundo na tatanga-tanga ka.

Oo, maaari mong sabihin na hindi ko alam ang pinagdaanan mo. Alam kong iba ang naging buhay mo sa kwento ko. Pero ikaw ay bahagi ng nakaraan. Tinanggap ko yun. Pero wag kang magkamali na subukang makisali sa kasalukuyan.

Aaminin ko, minsan pinapangarap ko na dumating araw na magkita tayo sa hindi inaakalang pagkakataon. Titingnan kita mula ulo hanggang paa… tapos tatawa ako. Tawagin mo ako kung ano ang gusto mong itawag sa akin – maldita, suplada, impakta. Hindi ko naman ipagkakaila. Napakadaming salita ang pwedeng gamitin para lumarawan sa akin, maliban sa isa. Hindi ako api. Hawak ko ang buhay ko. Ginusto ko ang buhay na pinagdaanan ko. Ginawa ko ang mga pagkakamali ko. Wala akong sinisisi kung hindi ang aking sarili.

Gusto kong sabihin na isang araw, mamumulat din ang mga mata mo at matututo ka, pero isa yung malaking kasinungalingan. Hindi ako naniniwalang magbabago ka. Panghabang buhay kang maghahanap ng mga tao na kaya mong paikot-ikutin gamit ng mga kwento mo. Sabagay, malikhain ka nga pala. Yun lang nga, hindi lang larawan ang nililikha mo.

Ibaon na ang kahapon sa nakaraan. Wag nang pangarapin ang isang kinabukasan na hindi kailan man mapapasaiyo. Ako ang kasalukuyan. Akin ang kinabukasan. Walang pwesto na iniliaan, inaalala o inaalagaan para sayo.

Mas matanda ka sa akin, bagamat hindi tayo nagkakalayo sa edad. Dapat mas alam mo to. Dapat sayo nanggagaling ang mga katotohanang ito. Pero hindi naman mangyayari yun, kaya ako na ang nagsasabi.

Awa ng Diyos, hindi na ulit ako magsusulat dahil sayo. Wag nating antayin ang panahon na ako ang may gawin dahil ngayon palang, sinasabi ko, hindi mo magugustuhan ang maaring mangyari.

Ayan, tinagalog ko para maintindihan mo.

Bato-bato sa langit… Kapag pakiramdam mo para sa’yo to… Malamang, tama ka.

*smirk*

 

 

Dark & Twisted…

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06.13: Of Ivory Petals and White Butterflies

Just because you can draw or paint, it doesn’t make you an artist. It may make you a really good painter or a gifted sketcher, but not an artist.

Original.

Artistry goes beyond the technical skill – beyond the ability of being able to do something. Great art is geared towards evoking an emotion from its audience, regardless of the media. I have heard some people sing a song perfectly – every single note sung with such precision – and yet, at the end of it all, I feel nothing. And yet I know of people whose voices are a little raw, with a little edge, and yet their haunting melodies can bring tears to my eyes.

I once told a friend that sometimes artists naturally gravitate towards each other because we see the world in a way that is slightly different. Regardless of whether the gravitating towards each other is true or not, what I will stand by is the latter half of what I said – that we don’t see the world the way most people do. That’s what great art is about, I think… Being able to look at the world and see something different… Being able to see the light in sadness… Being able to see the beauty in despair.

Great art is borne out of great emotion… It’s our anger, our joy, our pain that goes into the painting on the canvas… the melody of the music… the words in woven tales. It’s not a matter to seeing a picture and transferring the its image to a blank poster. Art is not about copying – it’s about creating. Artists, even when singing someone else’s songs or painting someone else’s picture, create. No matter how similar it is to the original in the end, artists are incapable of doing exact replicas. We are perpetually driven to leave a piece of ourselves behind.

“…Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love…”
Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

We see more. We hear more. We feel more.

We hate more. We love more.

We are more.

And that’s what makes people call us weird.

But I’m not just weird. I’m not even a limited edition. I’m one of a kind. You’ll never find another like me.

 

 

Blessed Be…

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