Tag Archives: life

2014: Random Acts of Kindness

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People talk of kindness all the time, but it’s rarely seen in real life. But speaking of real life, let me tell you about a real story.

In a rather well-known restaurant in the south, a couple decided to have dinner after a long day at work. Mainly due to the wife’s insistence, they ended up with 2 viands, a noodle dish and a cup of rice. After eating as mush as they could, they still ended up having both viands doggie bagged. As per their normal routine, each decided to light up a cigarette.

While finishing their respective sticks, a couple of street childred came by, selling flower necklaces made of jasmine (well, three pieces of jasmine, really). After several attempts to sell their garlands, the husband finally looked over to his wife and said, “Okay lang ba kung ibigay nalang natin yung isang ulam sa kanila?” (Do you mind if we give one bag to them?)

His wife agreed, saying, “Of course not! It’s still better that just giving them money outright.”

The husband gave one of the bags to one of the boys. “Hating kapatid yan, ha!” (Share it equally, okay?)

After a word of thanks, the children went off to a side and started picking on the food they had been given. The husband noticed this, eyed the remaining bad, turned to his wife and said, “Ibigay na kaya natin ‘to sa kanila?” (Why don’t we just give them the rest of the food?)

With a nod from his wife, he gets up, and tells the children, “Jan lang kayo.” (Stay there). He then goes back in the restaurant. Upon caming back out, he was empty handed. He tells the kids to sit down at the next table. Less than two minutes later, a waiter comes out carrying two plates of rice, the viand in a nice plate and two glasses of iced water.

*          *          *

Again, people talk about kindness all the time, but this is the first time in a long while that I personally witnessed an act so selfless and so random that it just completely overwhelmed me.

After seeing that, I think that that man stands the kindest man on earth. And I am the luckiest woman in the world because that man is my husband.

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22.13: A History Lesson

They say that life is made up of a series of lessons.  I have to agree.

When I look back at my life, I know that there were some lessons that I had to learn – which I did and I was (finally) able to move on.  Some lessons, however, are harder to figure out.  Whether this is because it’s a personality disorder on my part, a stubbornness that I cannot seem to get out of my system or simply a masochistic tendency, I do not know.

Sometimes I wonder if any of us will ever be at peace with the fact that those we love and love us loved someone else before us. I once asked someone if he regretted being with his ex (and he was with her for 4 years and it ended horribly) and he said yes.  And I had the gall to say, “Don’t.  You shouldn’t.”

Little did I know that there would come a time when him regretting it or not was not point.  The point was that I did.

True, she never did anything to me – I don’t even know her from Adam – and yet I loathe her existence. I loathe her for everything she did to him.  I abhor her for how she broke him. Most of all (and most illogically), I hate her for the simple fact that, once upon a time, he loved her.

Never mind the fact that he doesn’t love her now.  Never mind the fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  It’s that once upon a time he loved her… That once upon a time he wanted to spend his life with her.

Sometimes I wonder why I can’t leave the past well enough alone (and I have to applaud the amount of effort that I put into this, as it sometimes involves reading goddamn posts from (social network undisclosed) written a million years ago, going through horrendously long friends lists and about a bazillion photo albums containing some really badly taken – and not to mention embarrassing-if-that-were-me-I’d-rather-die-than-post-that – pictures).  I know it’s me and my perverse need to know everything… Even if I know that I’ll pay for it every single time.

This is not doubt.  Never think that it is.  I know that this is it for me.  I will never love – nor would I want to – anyone else.  I also know, however, that this is intrinsically and inexplicably wrong (the masochistic part, not the loving part).  I have come to the conclusion that it is easier for us to speak about our past because for us it is over.  But there is always that other person to think about.  The one who always hurts a little when they remember that they know what they know.  It’s not that I don’t understand that there was a past.  Sometimes I think I just wish I could erase it.

But I can’t.  I know what I know.  Against all logic, I went through what I did.  I did this.  This is my bed and now I have to lie in it.  There is absolutely no one to blame but me.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that this some baggage that I carry with me all the time.  It’s not.  But again, I know what I know.  This is me grieving. This is me trying to learn how to let go.  This is me trying to learn that one goddamn lesson that I cannot seem to learn.

I’ve always said that the worst kinds of hell are those that we make for ourselves.  And yet with that nugget of wisdom firmly lodged in my cranium, I really have to wonder, “Why on earth do I keep fucking doing it?”

And in times like these, the only sarcastic quip I can come up with to comfort myself is, “See the light at the end of the tunnel?  That’s a train heading straight for you.”

I told you I was a little crazy.

*smirk*

 

 

Dark & Twisted…

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21.13: I Think I Dreamed You Into Life

In Your Eyes I See My Future In An Instant

For the daily text messages and the nightly phone calls… All before we ever set eyes on each other.

I will always love you.

***

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

[chorus:]

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

[repeat chorus]

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you

[repeat chorus to fade]

I Knew I Loved You,
Savage Garden

 

 

Blessed Be…

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20.13: Career Milestones

I found this interesting article that talks about certain “milestones” that we should have reached by the time we hit the big three-oh. Since I have successfully survived my twenties and am now in a different chapter in my life, I decided to compare this list to what actually happened to me.

And here’s what I came up with…

*          *          *

By the time we say goodbye to our twenties, what should we have experienced in our careers?

1. At least one intern has addressed you as “Mr.” or “Ms.”

TRUE. Not taking into consideration my current profession (wherein you are automatically called “Ms.”), I first experienced this while I was riding an unbelievable packed bus somewhere in Ayala Avenue. There was a man who was kind enough to give up his seat so I could sit down. And then he said, “Ikaw na po dito, Ma’am.” Good God, he called me “Ma’am”. I used to be a “Miss”. That was the day I realized I really was getting old.

2. Seven words: moved from your parents’ house for good.

TRUE. I finally bought my own place (check out my LifeList here) September of the previous year and moved in last April. It’s very empowering to have your own place. And after more than three decades of being shipped around, living with different people to whom you have to adjust, I finally have a sanctuary where I can just be myself. The one most important rule in my house is: If you don’t like the way I live, you can always leave.

3. Handled every schedule imaginable — days, nights, weekends, weekend nights, holidays, holiday nights… you get the idea.

TRUE. I have worked days, nights, and all hours in between. I have worked during Philippine, American and British holidays. Been there, done that. I’m very thankful that my schedule lets me keep a relatively normal life.

4. Written so many cover letters that you could pen an autobiography of failed job applications.

FALSE. I have only ever written one cover letter. In fact, when I was told that I had to write a cover letter to accompany my CV, I had to look it up online so I could get “samples”. Incidentally, that one and only cover letter I’ve ever written landed me the same job I’m still working in right now.

5. Had such a terrible boss that you questioned the very idea of working to earn a living.

TRUE. Her name was Meow and it seemed like she was meant for me. As punishment for every wrong thing I’ve done in my life. Then there was Mother B. Now that was a colorful character, if I do say so myself. And “colorful” is a euphemism for certain words I am unwilling to write here.

6. Realized that your college major — once a pivotal career decision — really didn’t matter all that much.

TRUE. Dude. Seriously. I have a degree in non-clinical Psychology with a minor in Communications. There aren’t ready-made jobs for courses like mine. I do, however, admit that my background comes in really handy.

7. Slaved away in your office on a picture-perfect Sunday because, well, the work’s just gotta get done.

TRUE. It was not in my office. It was in some office in South Superhighway. Or Antipolo. So many Sundays of my life I shall never get again. *sigh*

8. After several years in the professional ranks, your résumé no longer has traces of college clubs and achievements.

N/A. I never put college clubs and achievements on my CV. And the fact that I didn’t have college clubs and achievements is besides the point.

9. Battle tested, you don’t even flinch when the client says, “This isn’t what I wanted. You’ll need to do it again.”

TRUE. I sit in during Management Committee meetings of one of my clients. I dealt with that girl who had ginger for toes. Believe me, I’ve done this.

10. Maintained a 401k and contributed funds to the point that you can actually see it working.

N/A. I don’t understand what this means. :p

11. Defused a stressful office situation by saying, “In my experience, here’s what we should do.”

TRUE. I’m a consultant. This is normal. I’m actually pretty handy in crises since I’m not prone to emotional outbursts (Unless, of course, the crisis happens to be the carpenters making a mess out of my house. Then I’m a bundle of nerves and I get really nasty.)

12. Landed a nice raise and proceeded to buy something you would never get otherwise.

TRUE. The Macbook. The DSLR. The Macbook Pro. The condo. And all these were possible because of a promotion and being kuripot since I was, like, 10.

13. Elected to take an advanced education course (or pick up a new skill) because of the value it added to your career.

TRUE. About the picking up a new skill part. And the newest skills that I’ve developed (after learning how to put on make-up) was selling.

14. After bouncing from job to job, you finally see the value of a stable situation with long-term potential.

FALSE. I’ve never been the type to hop from one job to another. I was with my first company for seven years. I was with my second company for five months (admittedly, that was a bad example).

15. Been there and done that long enough to understand who you are and the type of work that gets you out of bed in the morning. If your twenties were the decade to get knocked around, then may you spend the next ten years cashing in on the education.

TRUE. Although I have been very, very fortunate with the jobs that I landed (stable company, relatively good compensation, extremely few but fantastic friends), one thing that I did learn was that every time you apply for a job, it’s not only them who’s making a choice regarding choosing you. You also have to make a choice to choose them.

Coincidentally, I did choose to join the company from where I learned that. And I’m still here until now 🙂

 

 

Ciao Bella!

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18.13: Songs for You

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

It’s not that I’ve had nothing to write about – on the contrary. I guess it’s rather hard to write about life when you’re a little too busy living it.

But we are all called to do certain things… And, once again, I have been called to put words on (cyber) paper.

*          *          *

I recently discovered this sweet song by Taylor Swift called “Begin Again”. It reminded me of how it all began for me with my husband all those months ago. Sometimes I wonder if he has noticed how many times I’ve played that song at home. What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic till the end.

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn’t like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn’t get this song
But I do, I do

Walked in expecting you’d be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don’t know how nice that is
But I do

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did
I’ve been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

You said you never met one girl
Who had as many James Taylor records as you
But I do
We tell stories and you don’t know why
I’m coming off a little shy
But I do

But you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did

I’ve been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up
But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches
Every single Christmas and I want to talk about that
And for the first time what’s past is past

‘Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did
I’ve been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

“Begin Again”
Taylor Swift

*          *          *

And because this song (and its video) is the cutest thing ever, it gave me the brilliant idea to list down songs that have mattered to me. To him. To us.

And here we go…

The Song: Love of My Life (The Wedding Song), Darla Day
The Words: “…You’re the one I prayed for long ago / Fearless trust I never thought I’d know / I’ve found the answer to my dreams / My eyes were opened to love’s mystery…”
The Reason: This song was given to me, mind you 🙂

The Song: Fade Into You, OST Nashville
The Words: “… If you were a window and I was the rain / I’d pour myself out and wash off the pain / I’d fall like a tear so your light could shine through / Then I’d just fade into you…”
The Reason: I LOVE this song. It’s the kind that has a melody that wraps itself around you and never lets go.

The Song: Blessed, Christina Aguilera
The Words: “…Blessed for everything you’ve given me / Blessed for all the tenderness you show / Do my best with every breath that’s in me / Blessed to make sure you never go…”
The Reason: Because that is how I feel every single day since I found you.

The Song: For All of My Life, For Real
The Words: “…For all of my life / You are the one / I will love you faithfully forever / All of my life / You are the one / I give to you my greatest love / For all of my life…”
The Reason: This was playing on the radio when you brought me over to my uncle’s house. That was a Sunday. I told you I fell in love on a Sunday.

The Song: Begin Again, Taylor Swift
The Words: “…I’ve been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again…”
The Reason: Because on a Saturday in McDonald’s I watched it begin again.

The Song: By Your Side, Sade
The Words: “…When you’re lost and you’re alone and you cant get back again / I will find you darling and i will bring you home…”
The Reason: It’s Sade. And it’s jazz. It’s something I would dance to. And because I will always be there, by your side.

The Song: Have I Told You Lately (That I Love You), Rod Stewart
The Words: “Have I told you lately that I love you / Have I told you there’s no one else above you / Fill my heart with gladness / Take away all my sadness / Ease my troubles that’s what you do…”
The Reason: Because even though I have learned enough to always love myself a little more, I will always love you first and myself second.

The Song: When I Need You, Rod Stewart
The Words: “…When I need you / I just close my eyes and I’m with you / And all that I so want to give you baby / It’s only a heart beat away…”
The Reason: If I could give you everything you want, I would.

The Song: Everything Has Changed, Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran
The Words: “…’Cause all I know is we said, “Hello.” / And your eyes look like coming home / All I know is a simple name / Everything has changed / All I know is you held the door / You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours / All I know since yesterday is everything has changed…”
The Reason: Because finally I have come home.

The Song: Over the Rainbow, Eva Cassidy
The Words: “…Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue / And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.”
The Reason: You always said this song sounded like hope. You, in turn, are my hope.

*          *          *

I will always love you.

 

 

Blessed Be…

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17.13: This One’s for You

A Life Story.

My Life in Verse

To the one who said she would always defend…
To the one who said we’d always be friends…
To the one who I will always regret…
To the one who will never, ever forget…

To the one who still cannot forgive…
To the one who said she would never leave…
To the one who broke my mending heart…
To the ones who took and would then depart…

To the one who was able to begin anew…
To the one who remains a friend so true…
To the one who finally came back home…
To the one who always called me his own…

To the one who taught me how to fall…
To the one who taught me to stand so tall…
To the one who taught me how to see…
To the one who said they should love me for me…

To the ones who hurt, who burned, and lied…
To the ones who thought I would be silent and cry…
To the ones who are only brave when amidst a throng…
To the ones I proved to have been wrong…

To the one who hurt me without meaning to…
To the one who spoke without being spoken to…
To the one who filled my heart with bliss…
To the one who will be my one last kiss…

To the only one I would have said,
“With this ring, I thee wed”…
To the one who loved me at first sight…
To the one I will love until last light…

To the one I come home to in the dark of night…
To the one I wake up to in the morning light…
To the one whose life mine is entwined to…
To the one I love… This one’s for you.

 

 

Blessed Be…

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16.13: Moons in the Dark of Night

Okay, so I found this on (social network undisclosed) so it isn’t really mine. But it’s about the music in my life, so I couldn’t really resist 🙂

*          *          *

Lyrics to the Song of My Life.

INSTRUCTIONS: Think of 20 songs that had such a profound effect on you that they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the songs you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the songs that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world.

And here we go…

1.) Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
2.) Give Me Love, Ed Sheeran
3.) Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion
4.) One Sweet Day, Boyz II Men & Mariah Carey
5.) My Love is Your Love, Whitney Houston
6.) The First Cut is the Deepest, Sheryll Crow
7.) Strong Enough, Sheryll Crow
8.) Tatoo, Jordin Sparks
9.) Till They Take My Heart Away, Clair Marlo
10.) True Colors, Cindi Lauper
11.) When We Dance, Sting
12.) So Close, Jon McLaughlin
13.) Feels Like Home, Chantal Kreviazuk
14.) Out of My League, Stephen Speaks
15.) I Don’t Wanna Wait, Paula Cole
16.) The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, The Script
17.) Love Moves (In Mysterious Ways), Julia Fordham
18.) Better Days, Dianne Reeves
19.) Get Here, Oletta Adams
20.) A Thousand Years, Christina Perri & Steve Kazee

*          *          *

Why these?

It’s a secret I’ll never tell.

XOXO

*smirk*

 

 

Dark & Twisted…

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