Tag Archives: Rachelle


The Bottom Line

Keep puzzling it out while you wait for clarity. Bewildered? It’s all hazy now.

In Detail

Sometimes to get yourself together, you have to allow yourself to go to pieces first. Sounds puzzling? Well, it can be. If the solution or the root of a problem has been eluding you, it’s time to dismantle all the parts that make up the whole and examine each of them separately before you try to build some kind of coalition or solution. That way, you can identify where the issue is and really fix things, as opposed to applying merely a temporary solution.

I, like, so agree!!!  Can someone please tell that to Mother?

I had another dream earlier… and I can’t remember most of it (which is driving me crazy, really).  What I do remember is that it felt like little snippets of memories that someone tried to put together.  I didn’t make a lot of sense and, right now, I can’t find a logical thread connecting the things that happened.

It started with me finding out that Rachelle and I had a common friend in Facebook – Ykhing.  In reality, we have 4 common friends: Reneeca, Karen, Rosemarie and Roxanne.  Then we suddenly shift and Boyfriend is in the story with me.  We were in Bulacan – I’m assuming Hagonoy because that’s the only place in Bulacan that I’ve been to – and were walking past this convenience store that looks like one of those stores in Baguio.  In fact, the store had a distinct Baguio feel.  I should have looked in the cases to see what they were selling.  I only said that it was a convenience store because those were the words on the door.

Anyway, Boyfriend glances at the convenience store and reacts – the kind wherein you see someone you haven’t seen for the longest time.  I look through the glass doors and who do I see?  Rachelle.  Apparently, she’s working in the convenience store that summer (I don’t know how I come up with these things… but I was sure that it was summer.  I guess my dreams follow the US calendar for education).  She and Boyfriend greet each other like long lost friends which, surprisingly, doesn’t hurt.  But it was slightly irritating.  Then Boyfriend leaves the store for some strange reason and I’m left there, with the girl I have a perverse interest in.  So I walk around the store and she stays near the cases (at least she doesn’t follow me around like those other annoying sales people in other establishments).  I don’t have the foggiest of what happened after that, but what I remember next was that I was on my way out of the store.  I was halfway out when I turned to her and asked, “What’s wrong with you?  Don’t you love Andrew?”

She gives me a straight answer.  “No.  Inom lang kasi ng inom.  Gimmik ng gimmik.”

Aaand… nothing.  I don’t remember anything else after that.  I’m trying to find a picture of her that I could upload in here.  Ooooh!  Found one.  This was from her trip to Singapore earlier last year.


Holed Up in Our Room in Colorado

Drowning in The Slight Hum of my Mac

Blessed Be…


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It’s Like I have Turret’s

The Bottom Line

Ignore the external world today; reach inward to get all the strength you need.

In Detail

Things that appeal to your intellect will be drawing you in today. You’ll find that the most challenging concepts will suddenly make a lot of common sense, and your brain will get a new sense of its capabilities. This means it’s the perfect day to readdress a project or book that has been a struggle to deal with. Complicated ideas aren’t so complicated right now — in fact, they’re pretty fun to wade through! If you’re being tested or challenged in any way today, expect things to go well.

Strangely enough, I dreamt of Rachelle again the other day.  Because I was too lazy to write anything down, I don’t have a clear idea of everything that happened anymore.  What I do remember was that I threw a drink at her and held her down in a pool with the help of my many, many arms (for some reason, I had somehow embodied Vishnu at that point).  Angst much?

Big Haha.

Since Reneeca is now a friend in Facebook, I get to see whenever she gets tagged in someone else’s album.  The other thing about this online account is that if the person who tags your friend in their album is NOT your friend, you still get to open that particular album and browse through their photos.  Lo and behold, Nix was tagged by her older sister in a photo belonging in an album named “Andrew and I” (does anyone want to guess what this particular album contains?).  Obviously, psycho me couldn’t pass up a chance to ferret through Rachelle’s account (especially since it’s been taking all of my willpower to not add her as a friend).  The one thing that I realized was this – Andrew Martin looks remarkably like everyone one else in his family.  Anyway, enough of that.  At this point, I’m just going to end this particular topic by saying that I still have the urge of adding her in my account.  How psychotic, pathetic and screwed up is that?

I still say that I would be a wonderful addition to the FBI.  My other dream jobs are as follows:

  • To become a spy
  • To become an assassin

On to other things…

Boyfriend, Vhekkie and I watched Up last weekend.  Due to all the very, very nice comments that I heard about it, it seemed like such a good movie.  I was expecting a kiddie movie with a moral lesson in the end.  In fairness, I did get that.  What I did not expect was the enormous amount of depression that I would feel twenty minutes into the feature film.

The movie starts off showing Mr. Frederickson as a kid.  Then, after attending a film showing of the rise and fall of an adventurer whose name I cannot remember right now, he meets this other kid with ultra wild hair.  Then he grows up, marries Ellie, works as a balloon-seller and then gets very, very old.  Ellie dies right before they get to go on their adventure and neither of them does what they’ve always dreamed of – living in some strange place in South America on top of a waterfall.  Somewhere in the middle of the movie, I suddenly realized that Ellie was the kid with the ultra wild hair.  I really did not see that Ultra-Wild-Hair-Kid was a girl.  Anyway, by the time Ellie withers away and dies, I’m so depressed that I’m on the verge of crying.  And then the funny parts begins.

The other main character in this movie is Russel – this egg-shaped kid (no neck, no waist) with a patch of hair covered by a cap.  He’s introduced as a Junior Wilderness something about to graduate into a Senior Wilderness something.  The only thing he lacks is the badge earned by helping out an elderly person.  He chooses to bug Mr. Frederickson to earn the badge.  Unfortunately, Mr. Frederickson isn’t the most accommodating person in the world, especially since someone wants to buy his house and lot to complete an urban project.  The old man refuses the kid twice or thrice, thinking that this would stop him.

He then decides to go on the big adventure he and Ellie had always planned by inflating millions of balloons that miraculously pull his house from the ground.  The millions of balloons also succeeds in keeping his house afloat.  Airborne, he hears a knock on his door.  When he checks his porch, he finds Russell, petrified.  This begins the strange friendship between the grumpy old man and the egg-shaped kid.

Fast forward to when they finally find themselves somewhere in South America.  In this strange and forresty land, they encounter interesting characters – Kevin, the exotic bird which apparently understands human speech, and the Talking Dog whose name I cannot remember either.  On a side note, Kevin is also insanely attracted to something – which the Grumpy Old Man uses some time in the film to save their lives – that I cannot recall as of the moment.

The rest of the movie is an adventure.  From a child’s point of view, it’s a completely new world that has enormous birds and talking mammals.  By the time that they were on the funner part of the movie, I could feel the depression ebbing away.  The only problem with Up is that no matter how funny or how entertaining the latter part of the film was, it couldn’t completely erase the feeling of depression that the first part brings.  In conversations that I’ve had with some other people (Elowee and Vhekkie), we have come to the conclusion that at such an early age, most children would not be able to fully understand the feeling of loss Mr. Frederickson had when Ellie died.  Actually, most children would not understand that Ellie had passed away… that, or they’re still in that phase wherein their parents are telling them that she had gone to a more wonderful place and is very, very happy.  But for people who are of a higher intellect (an assumption, I know), the movie is so very, very sad and is never able to fully compensate for that sadness.

I have no intentions of giving a scene-by-scene description of what happened – not only because this is not how I usually write my reviews, but mainly due to the fact that I cannot.  I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie.  Unfortunately, Boyfriend fell asleep at around the same time so no one could update me on what happened.

What I can add are these… The Unnamed Adventurer later on appears as an antagonist and falls to his death near the end of the film.  He is also responsible for the collars that allow the dogs to speak human.  Unfortunately, the Alpha Dog’s collar is damaged and he ends up sounding like a chipmunk.  Despite being a Doberman with uber pointy ears, it really does undermine his authority and lessens the level of his perceivable menace.

Would I recommend you to watch Up?  Yes, I would.  Overall, it still a very entertaining film and is something that most children would genuinely enjoy.  There are also moments that are really funny – sometimes because the script is witty, sometimes it’s because the animation is very apt, and sometimes it’s because what happens is so surreal that you will have no other response but disbelief.

Like Mr. Frederickson turning into a semi-Rambo character.  And finding out that Kevin is a girl.

Holed Up in Arsenal B

Drowning in UK Role Plays (starring Lara and Joel)

Blessed Be…

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Random Ramblings (08.17.09)

I really don’t remember today. Not really.

What I mostly have stored is the memories of my tears, of feeling like my heart was tearing itself apart…

I spent some time digging through old pictures and a little part of me wished I hadn’t. Too many pictures… too many memories… too many trails to find… to many things that should have let go of.

Again, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not like it used to, anyway. I remember the girl, but the feelings that went along with her beautiful face have faded. Just enough, I guess, to keep me from going into a full blown psychosis.  I’d post pictures of her here – I don’t know if in my mind that somehow makes me feel that my episodes were somehow justified – but that would border on needing therapy in the worst possible way.  I’m still trying my best to not click the “Add as Friend” button when I happen across her profile.

… understands. That’s what I wrote in my online account.  Boyfriend asked me what I understood.  This was what I said.

“I understand that I owe myself something.  I owed it to myself to not be in a place that made me feel like a complete failure every single day of my life.  I owed it to myself to be happy.”

Again, I don’t remember today.  Not really.  I really don’t feel well, but this is an improvement from how I felt earlier.

I wish Boyfriend would wake up.  I love the quiet, but sometimes the loneliness is enough to make me want to smash my head against the wall.

Holed Up in: Our Room in Colorado

Drowning in: TV Dialogue that I’m really not listening to

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Weekend Most Wanted

My Star Sign for today actually makes sense…

The Bottom Line

Today’s tasks won’t take too much energy or enthusiasm – it’s an autopilot today.


Do you know your limits? Now’s a great time to get a better idea of what you can and cannot do, or else you will end up getting frustrated. Recently, you have been pushing yourself to stretch and grow, but if you continue on this aggressive path you will get overwhelmed. To prevent that, you have to take care of yourself. It’s time to act more conservatively and slow down. Take a step back from life — you won’t miss out on a thing.

I woke up at 5:30 pm today.  Boyfriend and I were supposed to go to GH, have a dinner (it’s our monthsary) and watch a movie… we’ve changed that into a nice dinner at home.  We’ll probably spend a most of the night watching DVDs or Visionaries, eating homemade popcorn.  I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I really do need to just stop and rest.

Sometimes I feel that more appropriate term is to give myself a break… and maybe forgive myself a little.

Work is no longer a refuge these days… it’s not what I do that’s become a chore, it’s the people I deal with.  Deep, deep down inside I’m in awe of what Aida did – leaving the company after 6 years of working there.  When something like this happens – someone I know deciding to change their paths – it makes me wonder why I can’t do it.  I’ve got good credentials, I know I’m highly competent and absolutely brilliant (=p)… so why can’t I let go of this thing that is starting to tear at my soul and try finding fulfillment elsewhere?

I know I have to stop being afraid of having to start again.  Why is this so difficult when I’ve rewritten myself so many times?

*sigh* So many questions… so little time to figure out the answers.

In an effort not to depress myself to death, let’s move on to other things…

I’ve finally finished Kathleen McGowan’s Book of Love.  It took me a while to get into it, but once I did, I couldn’t put the book down (which caused me a couple of sleepless mornings).  As a tribute to the beautiful passages that I’ve read, I’m planning to put some of it here.  This blog’s earned a couple of steady readers and I know they’d appreciate that too.

Currently, I’m fixating on Emmy Rossum and her song “Slow Me Down”.  It’s very reminiscent of Michelle Tumes’ Lovely which, by the way, Rossum has revived.  It’s haunting without sounding too much like a Gregorian Chant.  I’ve asked Boyfriend to download her songs for me.

I had a couple of weird dreams today – none of which I can remember with much clarity.  I have this feeling that I dreamt of one thing, became semi-awake, fell back asleep and dreamt of something else.  What I do remember is one of my dreams had Rachelle in it.  I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could remember what it was about.  All I have left is knowing that in the dream we were very much aware of each other’s existence… to the point that we actually had conversations.  Again, I wished I could remember more.

Oooohh… Dinner time! Gotta go!  Gotta go!  Gotta go!

Holed Up In The Big Room in Colorado

Drowning in The Hum of the Aircon

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Daily Ramblings (07.21.09)

I dreamt of Rachelle this morning (I would like to say last night, but I fell asleep past 8:30 am).  It’s so weird and it’s left me a little… concerned.  I wonder if she’s okay.  I’m very weird that way.  Sometimes even I don’t understand me.

What the starts say today:

The Bottom Line

Be gentle, yet firm if someone’s boring you senseless. Your time is valuable.

In Detail

A recent change in your diet is starting to create some changes in your physical body today, either in terms of your energy level (you’re starting to have more) or in terms of your body (you’re starting to have less). Keep up the good work, but don’t expect such dramatic changes to continue — plateaus are in your future, and you have to be prepared to persevere through them. You are treating yourself right and showing yourself the kind of care you usually reserve for others.

On to other things…

  • I added Oye Dela Cruz in Facebook yesterday.  My Friend Request was approved on the same day.  Today I added her in Friendster.
  • We’re set to watch the premiere of Johnny Depp’s “Public Enemies” in Robinson’s Galleria tonight.  The tickets are courtesy of Brian’s Aunt Ne who I’ll be meeting for the first time.  I’m horrible at first impressions.  I wonder if she’ll like me.
  • We have a conference call with the new DIrector for Offshore Business later, which is the main reason why I didn’t file for a whole day leave.  I don’t mind, really.  My part in the Business Reviews have gotten smaller and smaller… sometimes I wonder if they’ll even notice if they’ll notice if I missed today’s meeting.
  • Tomorrow, I’ll be going back to my normail 9-hour shift, officially putting an end to my abnormally long but really-needed weekend.  The good thing is I’ll be seeing the Growing Gabi Gang again.

I’m watching 7th Heaven while writing this and Eric Camden’s line kinda stuck in my head. “As they say, all evil needs is for good men to sit back and do nothing.”

Maybe it’s a sign.

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