To You. Yes, Really.
I was recently tasked to go through a not-so-big pile in resumes in hopes of finding a diamond in the rough. The objective of this particular activity was to find suitable candidates for an initial face-to-face interview. 30 minutes into it, my head began to pound (later on you will understand why). Due to an undeniable need for therapeutic release, I have decided to write about it.
Let’s begin with the end. Out of 15 CVs, my good friend AC and I ended up with (drum roll, please!)… 3. Three. Seriously. Three (I cannot get enough of saying this out loud).
Some time between CV #3 and #15, I was making mental notes of what I wanted to say to these people. Since I now know that I will (thankfully) never get to meet around 80% of them, I will write it down instead.
Here goes (in no particular order)…
CV #1: You’re overqualified. We’re afraid that you’re going to bore people to death when you talk. No, seriously, you’re overqualified. Take that as a good thing.
CV #2: It was very nice of you to share that you are currently processing your papers for possible employment out of the country. I would, however, rethink this as it only made me wonder if you were planning to flee the RP any time soon. Also, it is best, when sending a horrendously long CV, to have all pages formatted as short or long, not a combination of both.
CV #3: You are very intelligent – your background and extensive career certainly speaks for you. You are, unfortunately, also very old (and when I say old, I mean OLD). I am concerned that you might suddenly keel over and die during class.
CV #4: To be honest, you actually made it to the “maybe” pile. I applaud the very courageous decision to shift from the automotive industry to that of the BPO. I have no doubt that you are very good at what you do right now. However, further screening of your application moved you from the “maybe” pile to the “no” pile. Also, it would be best, when updating your work history, to begin with your most recent employer, not the one you were with two decades ago.
CV #5: Please do not write your cover letter using size-20 font. I may be visually impaired, but I am not blind. Size 12 would have done just fine. Some tips for future endeavors…
1.) When applying for a position, please decide what position you’re actually applying for. This is not the lottery. More entries does not mean more chances of winning.
2.) Do not rely so heavily on MS Word’s spell and grammar check. You may spell all the words correctly, but it does not mean that you make sense. And even if you have skills for running something efficiently and have outgoing personality and professionalism in creating a calm and friendly work environment, I highly doubt that you will be the best asset for my organization.
3.) When you have attached something to an email, it has already been done. Therefore, it should be in the past tense. It’s the tense wherein you put a -d or -ed after the verb. Unless it’s irregular, of course.
CV #6: Bata ka pa. Marami ka pang bigas na kakainin. Next time nalang.
CV #7: It is normally good practice to include tasks and responsibilities for your employment history. Don’t just put the company, your position and how long you were there. Malay ko ba kung ano ginagawa mo dun. I will, however, admit to being in awe of your ability to put a full-body picture in your resume.
CV #8: When listing down tasks and responsibilities of previous and present jobs, please do not write in paragraph form. There are things called bullets. Use it.
CV #9: The position you are applying for is that of a Training Consultant. Please do not write “Application For: Hostes, Receptionist, Captain, F&B” on your resume.
(background omitted) ka. Hindi namin kelangan ng (position connected to background omitted). Sana i-check ang qualifications bago mag-apply.
CV #11: Maganda sana ang resume mo… sana yun ang kelangan namin. Isa ka pa – check qualifications before applying. Please? Ako na nagmamakaawa.
CV #12: There are no words. Like seriously. Because of you, I posted “Bakit ang daming galit sa subject-verb agreement and tenses? Maawa naman kayo sa nagbabasa sa sinulat nyo.” on facebook.
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Here’s to hoping.
Dark & Twisted…