Tag Archives: Videos

2014: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

Oh, I never done this before
Never wanna do this again
Wrong turn on a dusty road
I did it to myself, I can’t pretend
Well, I learned just a little too late
Good God, I must’ve been blind
‘Cause she got me for everything, everything, everything, alright

Like my daddy I’m a gambling man
Never been afraid to roll the dice
But when I put my bet on her
Little Miss Snake eyes ruined my life
She better sleep with one eye open
Better make sure to lock her doors
‘Cause once I get my hands on her, Imma oh

Natalie ‒ she ran away with all my money
And she did it for fun
Natalie ‒ she’s probably out there thinking it’s funny
Telling everyone
Well, I’m digging a ditch
For this gold-digging bitch
Watch out ‒ she’s quick
Look out for a pretty little thing named
Natalie ‒ if you see her tell her I’m coming
She better run

The good lord better bless your soul
‘Cause I done already cursed your name
Don’t matter which way you go
Payback’s gonna come your way
You’ll be begging me, please, please, please
And now I look at you and laugh, laugh, laugh
While you sit there and cry for me, cry for me, cry for me all night

I spend a lifetime in jail (yeah, that’s what I’ll do)
I’ll be smiling in my cell (yeah, thinking bout you)
Can’t nobody save you now
So there ain’t no use in trying
Once I get my hands on you, Imma oh

Natalie ‒ she ran away with all my money
And she did it for fun
Natalie ‒ she’s probably out there thinking it’s funny
Telling everyone
Well, I’m digging a ditch
For this gold-digging bitch
Watch out ‒ she’s quick
Look out for a pretty little thing named
Natalie ‒ if you see her tell her I’m coming
She better run

I should’ve known better (I should’ve known better)
‘Cause when we were together (‘Cause when we were together)
She never said forever (She never said forever)
I’m a fool that played her game, hey

Natalie ‒ she ran away with all my money
And she did it for fun
Natalie ‒ she’s probably out there thinking it’s funny
Telling everyone
Well, I’m digging a ditch
For this gold-digging bitch
Watch out ‒ she’s quick
Look out for a pretty little thing named
Natalie ‒ if you see her tell her I’m coming
She better run

Bruno Mars
*video by Walk Off the Earth*


Feel free to stab yourself if you feel like it. *smirk*

Dark & Twisted


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18.13: Songs for You

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

It’s not that I’ve had nothing to write about – on the contrary. I guess it’s rather hard to write about life when you’re a little too busy living it.

But we are all called to do certain things… And, once again, I have been called to put words on (cyber) paper.

*          *          *

I recently discovered this sweet song by Taylor Swift called “Begin Again”. It reminded me of how it all began for me with my husband all those months ago. Sometimes I wonder if he has noticed how many times I’ve played that song at home. What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic till the end.

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn’t like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn’t get this song
But I do, I do

Walked in expecting you’d be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don’t know how nice that is
But I do

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did
I’ve been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

You said you never met one girl
Who had as many James Taylor records as you
But I do
We tell stories and you don’t know why
I’m coming off a little shy
But I do

But you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did

I’ve been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up
But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches
Every single Christmas and I want to talk about that
And for the first time what’s past is past

‘Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did
I’ve been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

“Begin Again”
Taylor Swift

*          *          *

And because this song (and its video) is the cutest thing ever, it gave me the brilliant idea to list down songs that have mattered to me. To him. To us.

And here we go…

The Song: Love of My Life (The Wedding Song), Darla Day
The Words: “…You’re the one I prayed for long ago / Fearless trust I never thought I’d know / I’ve found the answer to my dreams / My eyes were opened to love’s mystery…”
The Reason: This song was given to me, mind you 🙂

The Song: Fade Into You, OST Nashville
The Words: “… If you were a window and I was the rain / I’d pour myself out and wash off the pain / I’d fall like a tear so your light could shine through / Then I’d just fade into you…”
The Reason: I LOVE this song. It’s the kind that has a melody that wraps itself around you and never lets go.

The Song: Blessed, Christina Aguilera
The Words: “…Blessed for everything you’ve given me / Blessed for all the tenderness you show / Do my best with every breath that’s in me / Blessed to make sure you never go…”
The Reason: Because that is how I feel every single day since I found you.

The Song: For All of My Life, For Real
The Words: “…For all of my life / You are the one / I will love you faithfully forever / All of my life / You are the one / I give to you my greatest love / For all of my life…”
The Reason: This was playing on the radio when you brought me over to my uncle’s house. That was a Sunday. I told you I fell in love on a Sunday.

The Song: Begin Again, Taylor Swift
The Words: “…I’ve been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again…”
The Reason: Because on a Saturday in McDonald’s I watched it begin again.

The Song: By Your Side, Sade
The Words: “…When you’re lost and you’re alone and you cant get back again / I will find you darling and i will bring you home…”
The Reason: It’s Sade. And it’s jazz. It’s something I would dance to. And because I will always be there, by your side.

The Song: Have I Told You Lately (That I Love You), Rod Stewart
The Words: “Have I told you lately that I love you / Have I told you there’s no one else above you / Fill my heart with gladness / Take away all my sadness / Ease my troubles that’s what you do…”
The Reason: Because even though I have learned enough to always love myself a little more, I will always love you first and myself second.

The Song: When I Need You, Rod Stewart
The Words: “…When I need you / I just close my eyes and I’m with you / And all that I so want to give you baby / It’s only a heart beat away…”
The Reason: If I could give you everything you want, I would.

The Song: Everything Has Changed, Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran
The Words: “…’Cause all I know is we said, “Hello.” / And your eyes look like coming home / All I know is a simple name / Everything has changed / All I know is you held the door / You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours / All I know since yesterday is everything has changed…”
The Reason: Because finally I have come home.

The Song: Over the Rainbow, Eva Cassidy
The Words: “…Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue / And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.”
The Reason: You always said this song sounded like hope. You, in turn, are my hope.

*          *          *

I will always love you.



Blessed Be…

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03.13: 50 Shades of J

I really don’t have a lot of What If’s. I’ve avoided it like the plague since I realized I could spend the rest of my life hiding behind my parents’ death. But answering these questions having been fun. Even I had to admit that 🙂

So here are fifty answers that you might have known, that might surprise you, or – best case scenario – would let you understand me a little better.

*          *           *

1.) If you were granted one wish what would it be?
* That my father could walk me down the aisle.

2.) If you could transport yourself (for one day) to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?
* Nowhere. I’m perfectly happy where I am right now 🙂 Any guesses to where I am while I’m writing this? :p

3.) If you had to choose one animal to eliminate from the world forever, what would you get rid of?
* Worms. I know it’s totally going to screw up the entire ecosystem, but you did ask, right?

4.) If you could alter one physical characteristic of your partner or close friend, what would you change?
* Nothing. I love my partner and my friends exactly the way they are.

5.) If you could, change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?
* That my parents didn’t pass so early.

6.) If you had the power to change one thing in the world right now, big or small, what would you alter?
* That there would be world peace. Nagpa-practice ako for the Miss Universe pageant. Walang basagan ng trip.

7.) If you could stop aging at any point in your life up-to this moment, how old would you want to remain?
* Haha… Right now. This year. And no, I’m not telling you how old I am.

8.) If you could inherit a comfortable home anywhere in the world that you could use but not sell, where would you want it?
* Ireland. I always wanted to live there.

9.) If you could suddenly possess an extraordinary talent, what would you like it to be?
* The ability to master any skill in 24 hours – I thought the inserting-a-program-in-your-brain in Matrix was awesome… But the inserting part kinda creeped me out.

10.) If you could wake up fluent in any other language, which language would you choose to speak?
* Gaelic. Irish. French. Seriously.

11.) If you could have a starring role in any movie already made, which movie would you choose?
* For some reason, Angelina Jolie‘s Fox from Wanted comes to mind.

12.) If you were able to return to any year in your life for one year, knowing all that you know now and relive that year any way you wish, which year would you go back to?
* 2012. Knowing what I know, I wouldn’t trade 2012 with anything.

13.) If you were to be stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life and were only allowed one book, which would it be?
* Remembrance, Jude Deveraux. I’m a hopeless romantic till the end,I guess.

14.) If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, which would you want to see?
* The witch burnings in Salem. And with my luck, I would have been burned along with them.

15.) If you opened the front door to find a small red box with your name on it, what would you hope was inside?
* An engagement ring 🙂

16.) If you had to change your first name, other than your current one, what would you choose?
* (Original response edited).  I would giver her my name.  The one I always wanted but never really had.

17.) If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would you give up?
* Sight, cause that’s going anyway.

18.) If you had to choose a color to describe yourself, which would it be?
* Periwinkle. It’s unusual and unnaturally difficult to describe.

19.) If you had to convert to a different religion, which would you choose?
* Bhuddism. Or Hinduism. I always get confused with those two. Basta the one with Vishnu and Krishna. Or Wicca.

20.) If you had to name the most terrifying moment in your life so far, which moment would it be?
* I think every time I try something new, it becomes the most terrifying time in my life. Then I do it and I realize it wasn’t so bad after all.

21.) If you could be guaranteed one thing in life, besides money, what would it be?
* Peace of mind.

22.) If you had to choose a book, already written, to describe your life, which book would you choose?
* Remembrance, Jude Deveraux. Thirteen Reasons Why, Jay Asher.

23.) If you could have one specific power over people, what would it be?
* Mind-control. There is a reason why I love playing The Sims, you know.

24.) If you could become famous for doing something you don’t currently do, what would it be?
* To be known as an awesome artist. The kind that paints. Or a violinist.

25.) If you could have lived during a different time period in the past, which would you want to live through?
* England, in the middle ages… except that the lack of plumbing would bother me to no end.

26.) If you had to describe the saddest thing that has ever happened to you, what would you talk about?
* Losing my son. Enough said.

27.) If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?
* Shape-shifting.

28.) If you had to paint your entire home, inside and out, one color other that white, what color would it be?
* Apple green. Wag makialam.

29.) If you could eliminate one form of prejudice from the world forever, which would you choose to eliminate?
* That some lives are more important than others.

30.) If your home were to be totally destroyed by fire but you could save one material thing, what would it be?
* Assuming that my wallet was already in my back pocket, I would go for my family albums – specifically the one with my parents’ wedding pictures.

31.) If you were able to be known to your friends for one single quality, which would you want it to be?
* My “realness”.

32.) If you could own any company, not for its money but for its product, which would you choose?
* Apple.

33.) If you had to choose your last meal before you died, what would be on the menu?
* Cream of squash soup from Capriciossa, Liver Pate dip and Rigatonni Alla Alfonso from Cibo, and Dark Chocolate Souffle from Le Souffle.

34.) If you could give someone in your life anything in the world as a gift, who would it be and what would you give?
* Him. Children.

35.) If you were able to join any band, current or past, which group would it be and what role would you take?
* The Beatles come into mind, but I am Yoko Ono.

36.) If you were to receive any award possible, which would you want to win?
* A Tony.

37.) If you could decide how to spend your last day of life, without restriction, what would you choose to do, and who would you do it with?
* With Don and Chris. I really don’t care what we end up doing as long as we’re together.

38.) If you were to choose what is to be written on your gravestone, what will it read?

“Here lies (name undisclosed)
… A wife, a mother, a mentor, a friend…
… She was everything…
… She was The One.”

39.) If you had to share the single most valuable lesson you have ever learned, what would it be?
* That you always have a choice.

40.) If you had to choose an actor, alive or past, to play you in a new film, who would you cast for the role and what type of film would it be?
* Angelina Jolie… Romantic-comedy with edge.

41.) If you were given one hour in one store to spend an unlimited amount of money, which store would you choose to spend it in?
* Fully Booked.

42.) If you had to choose the best advertising campaign ever, which would it be?
* If I actually paid attention to ads, I would have an answer to this question. Hehe…

43.) If you were able to donate a million dollars to any charity, which would you give it to?
* A foundation that focuses on finding a cure for cancer.

44.) If you were set to be executed but could decide the method used, which way would you choose to go?
* Gas chamber. That’s the one where you just sleep right?

45.) If you had to choose the title of your autobiography, what would it be called?
* “Of Love and Shadows: The Story of an Earthbound Angel.”

46.) If you could change one thing about your first sexual experience, what would you change?
* (Original response edited) Quoting Gossip Girl… “That’s a secret I’ll never tell. XOXO…”

47.) If you could read the detailed private diary of someone you know personally, who’s diary would you read?
* Her. So I could finally figure out what her deal is.

48.) If you had to change one of your personality traits, which would you choose to change?
* Nothing. Joke. No seriously, my tendency to be depressive.

49.) If you could commit one crime and get away with it, what crime would you commit?
* Assassination or murder.

50.) If you could make sure that your children never have one specific experience you had to endure, what would it be?
* Losing a child.




Ciao Bella!

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75 in ’12: Yours

And I ask you… Who on earth would not fall in love with a man who publicly professes his love for you?

I came back to the condo tonight, exhausted from work, to find this in my newsfeed, “An Angel came into my life quite recently which made me feel worthy of being called a man … I love you joey ♥” Who wouldn’t smile and find herself at a loss for words? And the man who posted that – he is mine. Even if I never ask him, I know.

Sometimes I wonder what made it so different this time.

Truly, he is unlike any man I have ever met. He belongs to a time that I thought had passed – where traditions were honored and chivalry wasn’t dead. When I see myself through his eyes, I become the most beautiful girl on the face of the earth. In his eyes I am a blessing, a miracle, that somehow found its way into his life. I know he will forever be thankful for me… that he will always forgive my imperfections. I know he will love me with all that he is, even without me asking.

That is how he makes me feel – that I am worth all the years of waiting, all the years of never having met.



And I love him. I love him for the man that he is and the man he wants to be. I love him for having been broken and finding himself better for it. I love him for the hope he gives me – that maybe this is it, maybe I will find my happily ever after. I love him because he makes me want to live a better life – one that is filled with blessings and grace and bliss.

My love for him does not blind me to reality, but it makes me unafraid of what could happen. I see tomorrow when I look in his eyes… A tomorrow that I thought was not meant for me.

So yes, you are the Goddess’ greatest gift to me. I will always be grateful to her for having given me you.

*          *          *



Blessed Be…

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71 in ’12: INSTRUCTIONS: Play Video Then Read

I’ve been going through my old blog and, if you haven’t guessed yet, the previous entry was from there. It was a letter written by someone way back in 2004. And, when I really think about it, he could have very possibly had the other half of my spirit. I, of course, wrote him back… (I want you guys to have the total experience – ambiance and everything – so please follow instructions as stated in the title)

*          *          *

I guess it’s my turn to begin a letter with the words with ‘How do I even begin to write?’ I imagine you’re not too happy with me right now… Particularly after all the questions that I threw your way earlier.

I’m sorry if I make your life so much harder than it already is… But I refuse to apologize for the questions that I asked.

I know you’ve told me time and again that now is not the time… Nor do you have any idea if there ever will be… But for some reason, that just simply refuses to sink in. Perhaps in time it will… But not now. That much I can tell you.

I have the same hopeless inside as you do… That nagging feeling that I will spend the rest of my days alone. It always seems as if my purpose in someone’s life is to help them see just how beautiful life can be.. To bring back their faith in life… In hope… In love. And when they do have again, then my work is done. Then i have to leave… Or I get thrown away. For some reason I have resigned myself to this. I have always been the messenger… And it seems as if I always will be.

I know you don’t understand a lot of things about me. And I must admit there are a lot of things that, try as I might, I don’t understand about you either. I won’t even try to explain. Some things happen just they’re supposed to… And I guess sometimes, that’s all explanation I need.

Please don’t distance yourself from me… There are so little joys in life and I don’t want mine to lessen by one. Just be a friend, if that’s all you could ever be for me… If that’s the only thing you’d ever want to be with me. I can’t force you to be anything else… Free will. Just be a friend… Hold my hand… Just be there.

You keep saying that you prey on the innocent. But I have seen too much… Felt too much… Given too much to have any innocence left in me. I think you have it the other way around. I am not your innocent. You are mine.

I’d like to believe that no one and nothing can ever hurt me or break my heart if I don’t let it. So leave my heart to me. It is mine to own and mine to give away. It will be mine to make… Mine to break… And apparently I do a damn good job of shattering it over and over again.

I know I’m selfish. I won’t even try to deny that. But I would rather have you in my life as something other than what I want than to not have you in my life at all. I know that there are times when you wish that you didn’t love me. But you do. And there are moments when I wish that I never fell in love with you. But I did. So leave this feeling to me. Give me at least that. Give me the shortest moments… The most fleeting instances of happiness… And leave my heart to me.

For some reason, I never learn, do I? And my heart never has any decency to choose someone who could just fall back in love with me. I’m not sorry for loving you… But at least respect the way that I do, because it’s the only way I know how. You know how I am about regrets… My life is far too short for them to exist.

Not all this may make sense… But respect it anyway. Or pretend to, at the least. Be there, even if you can’t be with me. Love me, though you can’t entirely. And let me love you the way I know how. Maybe things will work out. Maybe they won’t. But just try to understand this… Even if we both know that you’re not ready to walk into my life… Even if we both know that I’m not ready to walk out of yours.

*          *          *

Footprints in the Sand

It’s been almost 10 years since I last saw King. Although his face has become a blurred memory, today I cannot help but remember. We were kindred souls and these were were our lives put down in paper. I no longer wonder about him, even as I walk down memory lane. I knew being together was not in the stars for us… And I was okay with that.

I really did love him, although he was never mine. At one point I think I said I would have done anything for him. Looking back at how things unfolded for the two of us, I realize that, in the end, I did. I did the one thing that I never wanted to do.

In the end, I let him go.



Blessed Be…

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63 in ’12: And Hope… Hope Will Keep Me Alive

“… Sometimes you reach what’s real by making believe…”
– Ever Ever After, Carrie Underwood

I am ready. You will come.

In love with the night
In love with the rain
In love with the bliss
In love with the pain

In love with the hope
Of days yet to pass
In love with the dream
Of a love that will last

In love with the mist
Of a cold afternoon
In love with the wish
Of finding him soon

In love with shadows
That gently paints the walls
In love with longing
For that one final fall

In love with the silence
Of a beautiful soundless tune
In love with the promise
Of a lover’s moon

by PhoenixFire
September 1, 2012



Ciao Bella!

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62 in ’12: Breaking Free

I am SO in love with this video…

Hey, at least I’m in love with something, right? 🙂

*          *          *

Go ahead, PhoenixFire, want it all. Just learn to be happy before it arrives, or you may not notice when it does.

The Universe

*          *          *

Dear Universe,

I am ready. Love will come.




Ciao Bella!

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